Showing posts with label writngmyheart. Show all posts
Hello!
During this lockdown of ours, I have been finding a little hard to write. The world is all uneasy so I have been feeling very uneasy. To help spark my motivation I decided to feed my ever-growing addiction: notebooks. I do have quite a few already but they're all back in Brighton and just need something new and to have with me whilst I am home. I have been having a neb at Go Stationery for a while now and I decided to use my 15% off code to treat myself (if you want to treat yourself too GOGLAM230) and I found some stunning notebooks. I ordered three in total, two for me and one stunning Peacock notebook for my sister. In my delivery I also received a stunning planner, I don't really make much use of planner's so I gifted it to my sister for her business.
The Nikki Strange collection is my favourite, I bought from the element collection as well as astrology. I do plan on buying the rest of the element collection in the future, I just wanted to test it out and the quality of these notebooks are stunning.  As you can see to the right. The element of fire notebook is so bright, I figure the start of the collection had to be my own sign. I will be buying the rest because I am obsessed!
I plan on using the fire element notebook for thoughts, I am often swamped with feelings and thoughts. I get quite anxious at times, especially at times like these, and writing in the past has helped me so much. I really want to get back to writing every day, get everything out of my head and heart. It used to help me feel so relaxed especially on days where I feel super overwhelmed.
Buying notebooks is my attempt to trying and get my writing flow back, I just want to create and be imaginative but I’ve been everything but. I can’t wait to finish my degree too, then I’m free to write for myself again. Maybe 2020 will be the Summer of writing. 
The little moon and stars book I’ll keep for a rainy day, a spark will come and I know what to write inside. Maybe use it for a new book idea or a new poetry book!  
Have you been making any creative purchases lately?













New Notebooks

Friday, 8 May 2020

Aloha!!

As promised here is my Uni post! However, due to there being a lot of content and things to write about I have decided to section things. This way you aren't scrolling down forever plus I have limited free time due to studying. So this post will be about moving to University, how I'm coping and meeting my flatmates and what not- the basics and the beginning. I shall be doing a few Uni posts in the future about different topics such as: Making my room my own, Night Life, Lectures and Seminar tips and just how I am dealing with everything. I may even make Uni posts a weekly thing and my other content just whenever I feel like it. So, let's begin.

Newcastle Central Station
23rd of September I moved to Brighton. At 04:45AM I sobbed farewells to my family and set off down South. After 6 and a half hours of traveling,  a change over in London I arrived at Brighton station, feeling overwhelmed and excited to the core. This was the first time being in the city on my own. I had previously been here with my mother so it was bizarre to be lugging a case figuring out my next step.

I say lugging a case because that's all I came up with, a huge heavy ass case and a bulging backpack. I did this journey alone because for a long time I have had this need to be independent. I was sobbing on the train but decided to spend the majority of my train journey between small naps, drinking hot chocolate and reading a book.

I couldn't pack my entire 19 years of life into a single case so back home I packed everything and got everything I had missed delivered down to me- which has been mighty convenient. Plus I love that feeling of knowing you have a delivery on its way- extremely satisfying. My family is the best! Being so supportive and patient with me- thanks parents for sending my belongings down and surprises!


London was busy, like always. I love London but it's just so rushed. You never get the chance to absorb your surroundings. I was worried when I arrived in London, I had no clue where I was or where to go next. Google Maps- always the answer. To be fair, I was only at Kingross and needed to get to St Pancras International- it is literally around the corner. It was definitely a dumb moment on my part.

From Brighton station, I got into a taxi to my accommodation campus Varley Park. The driver was lovely and advised me on taxi services and student nights out. He essentially was the first person I talked to upon my arrival.

As soon as I had arrived I got my keys, this was very exciting. Into the flat I moved, I met my housemates one by one at various times through the day. I was worried about this-  but I really shouldn't have been. Almost two weeks later and I feel like I have known my 4 flatmates my entire life- they're funny, crazy, slightly alcoholic but most of all the best flatmates  I could have ever asked for. However, we do have some communication issues. Mainly because I am a northerner. There has been a couple of times where what I've said has been mistaken for something else. Last week I offered a flatmate a can of dark fruits- they thought I said dog food. I still laugh at this. The other day, I got a delivery with my hulk (teddy) and I've been excited about it the whole week. I showed him to my flatmates in our group chat, and well. For the entire week, they thought I'd been saying 'hug' they just assumed I named a stuffed animal hug.

I love my room, I am excited to show you guys the transformation.


The first week was crazy, nights out, attending introductory lectures. I think the first week was hard on me, by the weekend I had homesickness swelling in my heart. Every time I FaceTime a family member I come off the phone almost sobbing. I miss Kara, my niece, especially. I miss taking her to nursery, and picking her up. Reading her books before sleeping, and having lazy days watching Moana and Trollz on repeat. I miss her waking me up every morning, just because she wanted to see me. It's strange going from seeing someone every day to literally not being able to see them until December.

I am not as homesick now, but little things make me miss home. Like the other night, we had crumble for pudding, and it instantly made me miss my dad. He makes the best homemade rhubarb crumble known to mankind. Sleeping is still uneasy on me, the first night I slept so much but that was due to exhaustion of traveling and since it's been a few hours here and there. I sleep better through the day than at night. My wonderful mother has sent up my hulk, you will probably see him in the photographs on the next Uni post. He smells of home and he's good to cuddle. My mother also sent up a huge wool blanket she knitted, especially for Uni. I love it so much, I think I would be a mess and even more homesick without it. A little piece of home with me.

I have always known I wanted to move away from home, and I have always anticipated it as this great big adventure, which it is, I just didn't give it a thought about how much I'd actually miss home. I don't regret my decisions, I am excited about the future and I love University. I just think it will take some time to get used to.

Until next week!

The Move ((University))

Saturday, 7 October 2017

I think I'm on the bus with a writer, a notepad she writes into and she looks up now and again and continues to write. She looks brilliantly bizarre in a fur jacket, and bright badges of many colours. Is she being inspired or is she inspiring? I wonder if she's captured the speed of the bus as the houses become disfigured blurs. I wonder if she writes about me, she gave me the once over when I got on. I wonder what thoughts I can bring a person, what does my persona give away to strangers about me? She wears a shiny bag, I can't say it's blue nor green but that tell tale turquoise. I'm intrugued by her, like every other writer I've met I want to know more. I want to know if she thinks like I do, or if she plans her work or jumps straight in. What kind of characters does she create? What sort of things does she make them feel? I'm eager to look, glance at her wisdom on a page. What style does she write, past or present? Or present progressive. She thinks with her pen in her mouth, pressing fingers to her light up screen. Is she researching? Looking to cover a plot whole or eager to learn more and be inspired? I shouldn't people watch, or make eye contact with the writer and smile, but I did.

On the bus with a writer

Thursday, 2 February 2017

To November,

I walk into you with high spirit, October has left me reeling with excitement, and I hope you will carry on to do so. It's now acceptable to bring out the Buble Christmas album, so my mornings will no doubt be more cheery. I'm hoping you will bring me sparks and explosions of happiness and goodness.
You are the penultimate month of twenty sixteen, a frightening yet warming thought. This time last year I started with aches and pains and this year? I begin with butterflies and smiles. I did rekindle my love for Sims this time last year too, which I still adore and plan on playing after I finish writing to you.
Last year I spoke of taking on any challenges you would throw at me, and this year? I think we will get along just fine. Over the years we grow and we are becoming more accustomed to one another, I'll take you step by step all whilst enjoying your company.

Until the thirtieth my friend.


To November

Tuesday, 1 November 2016

Take a step back,
leave your thoughts for a moment
Look around you
Properly look around you.

The faces, the eyes, the lives 
you do not know
Their stories, their adventures
their sorrow that they only understand.

You attend the same everyday place
you walk in the same corridors
you smile at each other's face
you do not know each other's struggles.

Take a step back

Wednesday, 12 October 2016

Spice on your tongue
Poison on your mind
Intensified negativity 
Together infuriating
Enemy to yourself!!

Spite

Thursday, 29 September 2016

I've just realized so far I have managed to update my blog every day of October so far. This is like a record for me! I am currently in sixth form, it seems my lessons don't start until an hour and I did all my work yesterday so yes I actually have a free period (this word will forever make me cringe) to myself.
These cold mornings just won't do, I wanted to be imprisoned in my blanket this morning. However, I got up and thankfully my dad handed me a hot cup of tea which was more than helpful at warming me up. Today let's say my appearance is  a little lacking (yes more than usual) so I've done the classical thing by applying some eyeliner on my waterline to make myself look and feel a little better, I say apply to my waterline because I don't know how to apply it elsewhere and those flick things just aren't me I guess. And when  I say apply I mean flapping my hands around either because I've poked myself in the eye or since I haven't wore eye liner in a while I'm more than likely crying.

Today is my second day of dieting, I've started well with brown breaded toast! I'm feeling very determined for this diet, obviously I'm going to be doing work outs and things to further the weight loss. I'm going to do a weekly body check in, and keep track of everything. I bought my lunch this morning, sandwiches, water and a huge fruit salad box thing. I love fruit, pineapple's are my favourite.
I'm glad you guys can join me on this journey, the journey of my writing, my physical and mental health. Together we shall develop as human beings. If you are following or wanting to go on a body journey or weight loss thing, even though I am just starting out on this new diet I have a few tips. I have done diets in the past, which didn't go well. I used to go to gym regularly but with college exams it got busy. But I have picked up a few tips so far.

I will do a full blog post later in the week or maybe even next week about my whole body journey and things like my inspirations, my downfalls, my weight gain and what not.

 I shall leave you with the first tip though;

Tip One; The most important part of your journey (if it be weight loss, or emotional or any kind of journey) is that you must begin it with a positive mindset and maintain that positive mindset. You are why you are on this journey and a little positivity (and determination) can take you a very long way.

Monday Talk

Monday, 12 October 2015

It seems I already forgot to keep up the weekly college guide, but worry not it shall return!

1) Comfort? Comfort. I cannot stress this enough, please where something comfortable it is for your benefit because trust me you don't want to be hoisting up your leggings ever five minutes, or fiddling on with some complicated piece of clothing. I suggest comfort because in college you will be moving around a lot (a bummer I know) but since you are being so active then why not be comfortable while you do so? I'm completely looking out for your best interest here.

2) Fully charged phone. This may sound obvious but I'd have you know that the other day I woke up to an almost dead phone, it seems I either forgot to plug it on or the charger somehow disconnected, I'm going with the latter. I know phone's are the mean source of procrastination however in college they are good for other stuff; like if you're laptop is dead, or you cannot access a computer you can always use your phone. Plus you never know when you need to get in touch with someone, like email a teacher work or whatever.

3) Smile! Yes smile, whilst you are working your butt off it is all the same important to just smile take a breather and let the beautiful day consume you. This also applies to not working yourself too much, yes studying is important but so is your sanity!

4) High lighters and gel pens? A must. These little sticks of colour are definitely a must for your pencil case. Not only does it add to your previous bought pens but they are actually useful when you are doing your a levels. I am constantly high lighting things, taking notes, annotating things and trust me these bursts of colours all of my pages are helping me to do so, plus it looks pretty and not boring. This is coming from someone who hated high lighters throughout her high school years.

5) A day off? Email in. In the unfortunate event of you being ill (or simply skiving) you should definitely get in touch with your subject teachers, to let them know and also so they can email you the work you will be missing, as falling behind is definitely a no go!

That's all I have got for you with the college guide this week, I've been WritingMyHeart and you've been wonderful!

College Guide #2

Friday, 9 October 2015

This is typically how my Tuesday begins and ends. Coffee? A must!

Mood: thoughtful and slightly agitated

How Tuesdays go

Tuesday, 6 October 2015

And that was the end of all hope.
You wonder what was the end? What was the hope. I will tell you, I will tell you about the day that ruined my life, the day that fractured my heart and made me numb forever. The day that lead to today.  Right now here I am, staring at the woman I once called my mother. She's no mother of mine, what woman could do such treacherous things? She's lying in the bed, tubes hanging from her, as she is slowly dying. I have no pity for her, what goes around comes back around. Karma is my grief.
It was a month ago. I will tell you how the day went, I will live in that memory just to show you how I lost all hope...
A month ago today, finally we were seeing her. After a long time, she'd pulled herself together. The first day in years we would all be together. I couldn't help but wonder if she kept her word. Did she give it all up for us? I hoped so
A nagging feeling eat away at my stomach, something about that day. I wanted that day to go great, I wanted us to be a happy family again. I woke up early, I had to get ready, I wanted everything to go perfectly.
I showered, got dressed and done my hair, like any other day, but it wasn't any ordinary day. This one morning, crying abrupted the house, that's the first move of the day that triggered nerves of what would happen,
I rushed to her bedroom. Crying her lungs out there was Christy. I went to her side, wrapping my arms around my life. She cried into my shoulder, I rocked her back and forth.
"Hey Christy, it's okay, everything is gonna be alright," I whispered to her, little did I know this was an untrue statement.
"I had a bad dream, a monster, it got me," She sobbed, a monster now I look back, that monster, it got me too.
"Honey, it was only just a dream, it's okay it was't real, I promise you everything will be alright, you got me," I hugged her tightly.
She pulled back, her big blue eyes staring right back at me, blue eyes filled with hope and joy. I remember thinking, god I don't know what I'd do without her.
She wouldn't settle back to sleep, we were leaving in an hour, it meant that she would probably be tired half way through the day, but that wouldn't matter. The only thing that would settle her would be to play dress up. Get her ready for the day. 
I plaited her hair, her long beautiful blonde hair, she takes after our parents, they all have blonde hair, except me. I brushed the loose strands from her eyes, the same eyes all four of us shared.
Once she was done, we stood in the mirror side by side. I could see myself in her, she was the lucky one. We were different but so alike, the only time I was thankful for my ruined childhood, I learnt the hard way, the only good outcome was I could prevent her from feeling the pain that I had once been burdened with.
She looked up at me with admiration. She turned to me and hugged me, hugging Christy was like hugging joy. 
"Taylor bring Christy down, you two need breakfast before we leave!" Charlie, my farther hollered from downstairs.
I her picked up, tickling her sides, her laughter was warming, her laughter was my favourite song on repeat. I took her downstairs, our farther grabbed her. He too tickled her, his face was becoming happier the more she laughed. His blue eyes were filled with life, her life. When he was messing around with her, every time I see him at his happiest. She is his everything, I couldn't help but feel saddened, I didn't get that. I never had the chance. But she, Christy, had the whole world at her feet. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
I sat down at the ready made breakfast, she and he did too. We eat together, happily with joy between us, that was the last time. From there everything seemed to move in hyper speed. I didn't value what I had, but I wish I had.
Next came the car journey. I sat in the back with Christy, she bopped her head to the radio, our dad sang along with the window down, he was happy, they were content. And me? I was staring out the window, my nerves were boiling within me.
I wondered how she was doing? Was she going to be the ruined broken woman from my childhood, or for once in my life was she going to be my mother? After everything she put me through, after giving me nothing, I hadn't seen her in 9 months, yet there I was in a car travelling to meet her. I couldn't help feeling anxious, I didn't know why but I was hopeful. Hopeful she finally got better, and would become the mother she had never been. I wish I knew then what I know now, I was such an idiot!
I remember the vain chills down my spine as I we got out of the car, it was breezy. Christy automatically skipped to my side grabbing my hand. My dad stood on the other side of her. The seagulls above gasped as people with food walked the streets.
"Look Tay, look, the big ocean!" Christy squealed with excitement, she pointed to the blue blanket in the distance. I watched her smile and stare at the sight.
I squeezed her hand as I bet down to talk to her "It's beautiful, just wait till we get up close, you will feel the gold on your feet!"
"The gold?!" Her voice filled with admiration and excitement. Her young mind,so open to the world. Only if I knew that it would change forever.
"Where is your mother?" My dad stood checking his watch, tapping his foot. I bet he was just as nervous as I was. Now I think about it, they were teen lovers, she was his everything and she broke it all.
We waited, and waited. Christy was getting bored, the day that was supposed to the best was slowing turning into the worst. Only if I knew that if our mother hadn't of turned up, things would have been different, things would still be the same today.
But no the voice spoke "Hey, sorry I'm late the train broke down!"
My dad smiled at her, Christy cowered and hit behind my leg and as for me; I stood and stared. There she was nine months later. Her skin shone, her beautiful blonde hair tied back with a few loose strands here and there. Her blue eyes big and glowing, she wore vest with a cardigan and shorts. She looked young, much younger than her age.
Our eyes met, I didn't know what to say. Was I to tell her that I'm proud she's clean or that I was happy to see her? I was stuck for words, I was just shocked, surpised and scared. I could see her but it didn't feel real, she didn't seem real. Only if I knew in that, that one second I could have sent her packing. only if I knew it was too good to be true.
"Hey Taylor, it's good to see you again, you look so well," Her words, even now thinking back to it they were hard to take in.
I felt obliged to push my body forward and hug her, she wrapped her thin arms around me. Her hair smelt of strawberries, her perfume was strong and fruit scented.
"You too mum," I managed to whisper back.
 We both turned to Christy, she was standing holding, no gripping our dads hand as hard as she could. Then I knew she was scared, she had every right to be.
Our mother, moves towards Christy, she cowered at first She knelt reaching in her bag.
"Hello darling, I got something for you," she picked out a small box and put it into Christy's hand.
My little sister looked up at me, she gestured for me to return to her side, I did. I bent down, now I think of it what was I thinking? Allowing our mother, the poison, into her world.
"WOW, look at the pretty box, let's open it Christy," My words filled her up with excitement, she carefully open the ribbon, the box lid came off and her eyes glistened nearly a much as the silver necklace in the box.
"It's Bootiful!" Her voice chirped, my mother's face glowed, my dad watched carefully, he was as unsure as I was.
"Say thank you Christy," I reminded my little angel sister.
"Thank you mommy, daddy put it on me!" Her words were new, it hurt my heart a little, The first time she had ever called our mother mommy, only then if I knew it wasn't just her first but her last. That day caused me a whole lot of regrets, and I'm left with is wishing, wishing for things that will never be able to happen.
My father went to his knees, fastening the necklace around her neck. He didn't know that it wouldn't be the last time he was at his knees for his youngest daughter that day.
We walked together, as a family almost, down to the beach. I watched as Christy stood inbetween both of our parents holding their hands, I remember feeling at ease. Slightly relaxed, I hoped that I could get used to us being like that, a family. Oh how wrong were my hopes.
Mother and Father both chatted amongst towels, whilst Christy and I played in the sand. We created kingdoms of gold, the blue in her eyes shone, her smile could have light up the whole world. That was the happiest she'd ever been, it was happiest any of us had ever been.
It didn't last long, it never does....
It got t that time of the day where the heat was unbearable, the sun shone and stomachs became hungry.
"I will head to the chippy, girls behave for your mother,"Dad announced standing up, shaking the small grains of sand off his legs./
"Why don't you take Taylor, and you's can grab coffees from the cafe on your way back? I'm dying for a cuppa," she spoke, even then I felt like I couldn't trust her. I wasn't sure,  I didn't want to leave her and Christy alone, for the firs time.
My dad had to practically pull me away, before I left to get food with my dad. I saw her, playing in a small puddle of sandy water, my mother was watching her carefully, I still wasn't convinced but I pulled myself round to follow my dad.
Time seemed to drag as we waited for food, I look back. I had every right to feel scared, and wanted to return to them as soon possible.
"She will be okay, your mother is better and from what I've seen she loves Christy and won't let anyone hurt her, you need to have some faith," He tried to reassure me, how wrong he was. I couldn't help but feel relieved when we were finaly handed our food.
We stopped at the care, which was as quick service. The closer we returned to the beach, the more weight lifted from my shoulders. We got onto the beach, I gripped the drinks. It was silent, not anyone in sight, it hit me. Where was Christy? Where was my mother?
Panic hit me, I turned there was my mother, she seemed to be doing something, it was a relief until I saw what she was doing, her head in her lap. Snorting. All I heard was my dad beginning to yell at her.
Where was Christy? It was all I could ask myself. I dropped my drinks, they crash the floor as see her. A wave ten times the size crashes into her, my legs fell weak as I dives towards her. She was too far away, she was in the sea too deap. It crashed against her, enveloped her. She was no where to be seen.
The wave stole her, my mother took my little sisters life, she chose drugs over an angel. The wave swept her, her body to never be found again.
And that was the end of all hope.

The Wave

Tuesday, 11 August 2015