Health Kick

Last night  with my partner we were on a date, an unhealthy one with amazing milkshakes, bowling and then later McDonald's. After bowling we went into the photo booth and took some snaps, and I'm so in love with him and the photos just looking at us makes me genuinely happy.

Until, despite the photographs bringing me happiness they stung me. When the date was over and returned home I began staring at the photograph. Seeing myself, and noticing just how much weight I've gained, I've been feel self conscious lately, and last night I honestly broke down. I can look at the photograph and feel giddy about how amazing he is, and how happy good we are together, but that's with ignoring the fact I'm not happy with how I look.

I want to be healthier, I want to feel and look good and I just want to look in my reflection and be in love with myself like I am with my partner. Sure I can take loads of selfies, and post them to Instagram, but those are of my face. I can't help but notice the parts of me that I dislike in the photographs. So  I was on the phone to him, and telling him my thoughts and I was asking questions about my body and how I see it and if he sees it differently and what not.

He helped me and I've been talking for ages about getting my shit together, and he helped realise it's not too late, I can be happy with myself. I can join a gym and eat better and feel good about myself, and it feels so good to have someone who just wants me to be happy. He's being super supportive, and motivating me. So, as this is going on my blog it makes it official (in my mind) I am starting a health kick, reducing the junk food, adding in more fruit and veg and become reintroduced to the gym.

This is for me and only me, so I can feel better about myself, more energy and life. I want to love my body, and I want to feel confident, I'm not happy with how I am and it's about time I did something about it.

To the side is me now, this is the beginning of my health kick and I am determined to be healthier; physically, mentally and emotionally!

Health Kick

Thursday 26 January 2017

SW Progress

I attended my second group session of Slimming World today. My weight loss is small but within the last two weeks I have lost 5lbs. I am finding it a little challenging mainly because of college and the fact I spend most of my time at my sister's house due to babysitting. I find it difficult to like find things to eat through college but I have been just eating fruit through my college days, it's delicious and I'm not spending hours pondering on about what I can possibly eat. I have been doing some packed lunches with homemade cooking which I do like once a week, surprisingly helpful. Plus at my sister's I basically have a lot of eggs (which is good for you) but I lack veg. At my house it isn't difficult because family members there are also doing Slimming World so it's easier to have meals.
Since starting Slimming World, even though my progress is slow (at least it is better than gaining) I feel good for it. My skin is clearer because of all the fruit I eat (Who knew fruit could taste so damn good and be extra beneficial for your health and skin!) I have more energy, plus I am more open to try out new things. Veg, I was practically a stranger to now I eat it. Maybe not as much as I should, and sometimes I find it emotionally draining but I know if I stick to it, it will get better with time. In the Summer after my exams I will be adding Gym to my program so I can work out as well as optimize my food.  It is interesting the Slimming World diet, it's not restricted even though sometimes I need to use all my might to stop myself from overindulging.
I will get back to you with progress maybe in the next 2-3 weeks!

SW Progress

Monday 9 May 2016

Body Positivity

I saw this image floating about the internet and it got me thinking.

Growing up I have always been a bigger girl, I was never the really thin girl. I've always had cellulite and curves for as long as I can remember. I have never looked like 'other' girls, all my friends have always been much thinner than I am. I feel from a young age I (like many others) have been conditioned to not love myself unless I was skinny or looked like everyone else. In the heat of the moment, or even out of sheer meanness people always kind of took the low blow and mention my weight (this won't be about bullying but I'll cover that in a future blog post) and so it has always been an insecurity of mine. My weight has always been a concern of mine, and I remember being maybe 10  years old and coming home crying about my weight, people making fun and just commenting. On top of this I was seeing gorgeous thin women in the media everywhere (and it is the same still) and for years my weight has been my biggest insecurity, it is to this day but I'm on a journey of self-love. I remember hanging out with my friends in year six and we were going over to one of the girls' house and they were playing on the scales, which naturally I wasn't keen on doing but with persuasion I did. They laughed, of course I was much bigger than they were, and it hurt of course it had.  Since then I've had adults mention my weight, guys, girls, people who I thought were my friends and even complete strangers (I'll mention the full story in a future post) so my confidence has never been the strongest. I used to think I was fat, but I look back at myself in pictures and it makes me cry. I wasn't fat, I looked healthy and even adorable. Pictures from five years ago, I was self-conscious and I hated how I looked. God, I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that she is fine, and she should just concentrate on being happy because that is all that matters. But no now I see from there I self-destructed, food has always been the answer to most things for me. I got bigger and torn myself apart. I got unhappier with myself and my appearance, I even turned to dieting pills and they didn't have the best effect on me. Don't get me wrong I have tried dieting and going to gym regularly and it was good for me, but with exams and  life I just couldn't balance everything. I turn 18 in March and it has taken me years to realize this;  I've always thought of myself as fat and I'm not the only one. It's sick how the media have conditioned young people to not love themselves and to  aspire to be thinner and prettier. When really we should love ourselves and as long as you're healthy that's all that should matter! Being skinny doesn't mean you're healthy. And for a guy having bulks of muscles doesn't make you a man. I've realized there is nothing wrong with being a big girl, why should I be thinner to please others? As long as I'm healthy and not putting myself in danger then I'm okay to be how I am. I know I am not completely self-loving, but it a journey I am taking and I believe I am capable of loving myself and being the happiest I can be.  Why should we have to be what the media tells and shows us? I believe as long as you're happy then that's all that matters. We can be who we want to be. Join me on the road of body positivity, next time you see your reflection give yourself a compliment, you are beautiful, we all are, male, female, big, small, tall, short, fat, thin - we are all beautiful!

Body Positivity

Sunday 31 January 2016