Why do we ask questions that we don't want the answer to? We know as soon as the words are said that predicted pang in your chest strikes you and the overthinking begins. It's like we know things will hurt us, yet we let it do so anyway. I wish I could tell myself no, allow myself to let go but I just cannot. I ask the questions, get wounded, and then feel annoyed at myself for doing so.
Showing posts with label thought. Show all posts
Do you ever catch your own reflection and you're taken back by what you see? The person looking back at you, they're somehow different. They aren't the person they were months ago, certainly not the person they were years ago, but how could they change so quick from the person they were mere weeks ago? It's almost frightening to look in the eyes of the stranger.
What has changed this human before me? Does she somehow know more than I used to? When did it click and start to work itself out? I'm not sure how I feel about her, she bothers me a little. She's not a little fool anymore, she just has more priorities and independent thoughts.
I wonder if a younger version of her ever saw this coming. If they knew the things she would be pulled through, all the steps she would take, or avoid. She's a stranger to the young girl she once was, and she's not far from a stranger to me.
What has changed this human before me? Does she somehow know more than I used to? When did it click and start to work itself out? I'm not sure how I feel about her, she bothers me a little. She's not a little fool anymore, she just has more priorities and independent thoughts.
I wonder if a younger version of her ever saw this coming. If they knew the things she would be pulled through, all the steps she would take, or avoid. She's a stranger to the young girl she once was, and she's not far from a stranger to me.
Stranger to me
Sunday 13 November 2016
Is anything traditional anymore? Is the love of my life going to save me from a tower and ask my father for my hand in marriage? I doubt it. We live in the moment of independence and individuality. We do what makes us happy, and we control our every situation and decides what happens next. If someone doesn't want us to do something; we will do it more.
Traditional
Monday 7 November 2016
It hurts, I don't know what it is but it hurts.
It's cursing and scratching
kicking and screaming
and it's hurting from inside out.
My thought are clouded
and my heart is guarded
but I'm still dumbfounded
it's imprisoned.
My shoulders are heavy
and my nerves are weak
my step is light
but the pain is strong.
This longing is wrong
but the thudding is right
this shredding is bad
but the pain is good.
It's cursing and scratching
kicking and screaming
and it's hurting from inside out.
My thought are clouded
and my heart is guarded
but I'm still dumbfounded
it's imprisoned.
My shoulders are heavy
and my nerves are weak
my step is light
but the pain is strong.
This longing is wrong
but the thudding is right
this shredding is bad
but the pain is good.
It hurts
Tuesday 8 December 2015
Do we as humans crave to be liked? Are we tweaking things about ourselves or how we are seen in order to impress someone? If so why?
I can be talking to a friend about something, maybe an insecurity or something I'm not quite agreeing with that day, and I will express my little moan and then shrug it off with the words "Fuck it I don't care, it's not like it matters" how true am I being though? If I really didn't care, and if it didn't matter than it wouldn't be bothering me would it?
I got thinking why do we try to get people to like us? Why fix my hair like that or try to post my cutest selfie? I know that the real people in your life are the ones who like you for who you are, your real friends are the ones who have seen you a complete mess and continue to love you because none of that crap really matters.
Firstly, let's talk about the real life liking before I get into the whole social media liking which I will probably do a separate post about in the future. In real life, I have kind of noticed (from personal experience) that perhaps sometimes around certain people we aren't perhaps being a 100% ourselves, maybe we are holding back or telling a few white lies, we just want to impress certain individuals and quite frankly you want to base a friendship or even relationship on something you perhaps have in common. But why do we try and erase a little bit of ourselves? I wish I was able to just shout out from the rooftops my passions and the fact I love to read and write more than anything in the whole world. I have a task for us, below comment the truest paragraph about yourself, don't try to be impressive or think you're being stupid, let's be true to ourselves;
I am Lauren, I'm seventeen and I frickin love books. I'm kind of mean sometimes, I'm passionate and to be honest I am a really excitable person especially over small things. I'd rather spend the night in playing sims or watching Bridget or Greg Davies than go out. I overthink too much, I care a lot about everything even the unnecessary things in life. I don't cry at Titanic but I sob my heart out at Toy Story 2. I really like tea and only drink Coffee if it is Costa. I like women and I like men, I hate labels and this the first time I've ever posted about it, quite frankly because I don't think it needs to be announced, it is no ones business but my own. I get feelings for people quickly, and I have trust issues. I am my own worst enemy but I am on a journey of self love. I lack common sense, I'm not really that smart I just know a lot about little. I question almost about everything, it is frustrating to myself as well as to others. I love ranting, I can't go a day without ranting to somebody. I'm obsessed with Marshall Allman - pretty much everyone I know has no clue of his existence but he is my ultimate favourite actor. I live in my head, I have worlds of my own inside of my head and quite frankly I use them to escape every day life.
That felt good, it really did. I'm fully aware it is now on the internet and well let's just say this is my first step of not caring. It is a good release. I feel tired of trying to please people, if that guy doesn't like me for me then there is nothing I can go to change that. If I'm too much of a book worm to be that girls friend then so be it, I'm not going to give up something I love. One of the problems I'm facing is caring too much about what other people think, when I'm dressing I always have someone in mind, when I'm posting online I'm always making sure whatever I do appeals to someone, I need to stop. From this day onward I'm posting for me, I'm dressing for me I am doing everything for me.
I can be talking to a friend about something, maybe an insecurity or something I'm not quite agreeing with that day, and I will express my little moan and then shrug it off with the words "Fuck it I don't care, it's not like it matters" how true am I being though? If I really didn't care, and if it didn't matter than it wouldn't be bothering me would it?
I got thinking why do we try to get people to like us? Why fix my hair like that or try to post my cutest selfie? I know that the real people in your life are the ones who like you for who you are, your real friends are the ones who have seen you a complete mess and continue to love you because none of that crap really matters.
Firstly, let's talk about the real life liking before I get into the whole social media liking which I will probably do a separate post about in the future. In real life, I have kind of noticed (from personal experience) that perhaps sometimes around certain people we aren't perhaps being a 100% ourselves, maybe we are holding back or telling a few white lies, we just want to impress certain individuals and quite frankly you want to base a friendship or even relationship on something you perhaps have in common. But why do we try and erase a little bit of ourselves? I wish I was able to just shout out from the rooftops my passions and the fact I love to read and write more than anything in the whole world. I have a task for us, below comment the truest paragraph about yourself, don't try to be impressive or think you're being stupid, let's be true to ourselves;
I am Lauren, I'm seventeen and I frickin love books. I'm kind of mean sometimes, I'm passionate and to be honest I am a really excitable person especially over small things. I'd rather spend the night in playing sims or watching Bridget or Greg Davies than go out. I overthink too much, I care a lot about everything even the unnecessary things in life. I don't cry at Titanic but I sob my heart out at Toy Story 2. I really like tea and only drink Coffee if it is Costa. I like women and I like men, I hate labels and this the first time I've ever posted about it, quite frankly because I don't think it needs to be announced, it is no ones business but my own. I get feelings for people quickly, and I have trust issues. I am my own worst enemy but I am on a journey of self love. I lack common sense, I'm not really that smart I just know a lot about little. I question almost about everything, it is frustrating to myself as well as to others. I love ranting, I can't go a day without ranting to somebody. I'm obsessed with Marshall Allman - pretty much everyone I know has no clue of his existence but he is my ultimate favourite actor. I live in my head, I have worlds of my own inside of my head and quite frankly I use them to escape every day life.
That felt good, it really did. I'm fully aware it is now on the internet and well let's just say this is my first step of not caring. It is a good release. I feel tired of trying to please people, if that guy doesn't like me for me then there is nothing I can go to change that. If I'm too much of a book worm to be that girls friend then so be it, I'm not going to give up something I love. One of the problems I'm facing is caring too much about what other people think, when I'm dressing I always have someone in mind, when I'm posting online I'm always making sure whatever I do appeals to someone, I need to stop. From this day onward I'm posting for me, I'm dressing for me I am doing everything for me.
Like me?
Thursday 26 November 2015
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