I keep having this reoccurring dream...
it plays over and over in my head through the day
like a spinning record, the needle dragging itself along the lines
your heart close to mine
and I wake up with butterflies in my face and fire in my stomach -
I do not know if it is love or just lust or love
but when I see your face the pandemonium inside swells
scaring me, making me frightened that my heart will burst -
like a pin prick stabbed into a child's balloon
I think about your smile and laughter
and how your eyes are an intensified beauty
and I think about my own boring brown windows
and just do not see how they could ever meet
I want to tell the world
just how much of a good person you are
but; like a harsh wind, I push my feelings into a cage of silence
closing the curtains on them to block out the outside world.
how could anyone simply understand?
I have this desire to pour my heart to you
but this ghost behind me taunts me you will only get hurt, again
like every other person I touch falls apart
taking pieces of me with them because... I am no longer whole
I want to ignore the clouds of dread that hang above me
but that ghost keeps yelling you will never love me
and as I feel this need to repel from the lost spirit
I am simply pulled back to it like a magnet
I am encouraged to speak my mind by my friends
and that should be enough, but that voice whispers you will never be enough
and I curl these feelings for you into a hot fiery ball
and I will take them with me wherever I will go...
