Health Kick

Last night  with my partner we were on a date, an unhealthy one with amazing milkshakes, bowling and then later McDonald's. After bowling we went into the photo booth and took some snaps, and I'm so in love with him and the photos just looking at us makes me genuinely happy.

Until, despite the photographs bringing me happiness they stung me. When the date was over and returned home I began staring at the photograph. Seeing myself, and noticing just how much weight I've gained, I've been feel self conscious lately, and last night I honestly broke down. I can look at the photograph and feel giddy about how amazing he is, and how happy good we are together, but that's with ignoring the fact I'm not happy with how I look.

I want to be healthier, I want to feel and look good and I just want to look in my reflection and be in love with myself like I am with my partner. Sure I can take loads of selfies, and post them to Instagram, but those are of my face. I can't help but notice the parts of me that I dislike in the photographs. So  I was on the phone to him, and telling him my thoughts and I was asking questions about my body and how I see it and if he sees it differently and what not.

He helped me and I've been talking for ages about getting my shit together, and he helped realise it's not too late, I can be happy with myself. I can join a gym and eat better and feel good about myself, and it feels so good to have someone who just wants me to be happy. He's being super supportive, and motivating me. So, as this is going on my blog it makes it official (in my mind) I am starting a health kick, reducing the junk food, adding in more fruit and veg and become reintroduced to the gym.

This is for me and only me, so I can feel better about myself, more energy and life. I want to love my body, and I want to feel confident, I'm not happy with how I am and it's about time I did something about it.

To the side is me now, this is the beginning of my health kick and I am determined to be healthier; physically, mentally and emotionally!

Health Kick

Thursday 26 January 2017

Insecure

Like everyone else, I am human. Not one of us is superhuman, even though sometimes I do wish I had the abilities of batman, but we can't always get what we wish for. Today I decided I would write about insecurities, it is personal and serious, everyone has them or has had them at some point in their life.
Disclaimer -  this isn't me posting for attention, that is not my aim here, I am just posting personal experiences and feelings, I hopefully shed light onto the whole thing. I don't usually share this kind of thing.
Firstly, I feel as though I've always been self-conscious, I know from a young age I have been very aware of my weight, people pointing it out or thinking it's okay to be mean about things.  And well as growing up and developing it seems one of my most insecurities is my weight, my stomach, my arms and thighs especially. I have always been closely aware of my body.
I can usually go through the day without stressing or being too overly conscious about these things, unless of course someone else mentions them. However, I have been feeling inadequate lately. I have been feeling very self-conscious and aware of my body. Usually, when this happens (which is often) I tear myself a part.
I am trying to improve myself, I want to love me for me, and that is so damn hard. I am on this journey and some days I can be like 'I'm confident, I rock and I'm fabulous' but others  I am the complete opposite. It's like one step forward and two steps backward. Sitting around pulling at my insecurities isn't helping me, I know that of course.
Instead of hating on the parts of me I don't like I'm trying to concentrate on the things I do like. I can't ignore my insecurities, but I am trying to improve them, for instance I'm beginning to eat healthier, I'm only drinking water, it is a start. Before I get to the ideal me, I have to learn to love myself along the way.
Sometimes I just wish it was easy, I wish the change would come quicker, in a world obsessed with looks what chance do I have?
I want to love myself, for me. I want to love everything about me, I want to be proud instead of shying away scared to even show some flesh!

Insecure

Saturday 23 January 2016