- Just a little piece that I wrote in the December of 2014 -
With you all it ever is or has been is a game of hearts. A battle and restrain. Sometimes good and thrilling but most of the time heart aching and painful. With our game of hearts it is never just one round, it repeats itself, and each and every time round someone always ends up feeling the wrath of it all. The first time it was just playful, but more and more unwanted players hopped on board and forced us the original players to break, we weren't ready.
Before we even tried we ended the game, I threw you away like another little broken piece. You were my little toy that I could have at my own beck and call. For about two years it was the same, started hopeful but ended messily, pushing and huffing.
A test came to us, roughly two year ago, we went on a whole new journey, the game changed, it turned up a notch, it was thrilling. We were mysterious, it was just us. The tingling sensations we gave one another, we were alive. The little levels we went up, until you dropped the bomb. Shattered me, shattered me for good. The tables were turned, you found a new piece to play with, and I was the one thrown away like nothing. It teared me open, it made me numb, and I went crazy. My limits had be pushed, I didn't want the game to end but I had no choice.
I surrendered to my own little game, numbness cutting into me. I was alone, I felt betrayed. That was the start of my own little mind games, the game I seemed to play myself. Once the journey had ended, I was back at home base, and you weren't there. Not that I cared, I shut the rest of the players out. In the game of hearts, this time my heart was the one that was torn.
You came knocking on the board, explaining yourself. Ditching the old two year game for a brand spanking new five day player, well I torn once more, the board became flooded and I was done. I knew you were naive to think the new game was better and would last, and I was right.
Since then you tried, you attempted to force me back on the board, in the game of hearts your heart was chasing mine, I sank and I wasn't going to allow you to bring me back up. You begged for the rules to be changed, tried to add new players in the game to peak my interest, I had enough of the game. My heart got burnt and I wasn't risking a thing. You became obsessed, you petrified me, scared to ever roll the dice again, with you or anyone.
Despite my reluctance to the game, I still felt it play around my heart. My head wasn't in the game but I'd always knew my heart was trapped. Even after two years of hell I was prepared to restart the game. I pushed all I had into the center, for a test run, I was willing to re,-enter my heart into the game. You were reluctant, excuses and diversions.
We started, you kept throwing obstacles in my way, you didn't allow our pieces to stand side by side and face the obstacles together. I gambled everything just for you to drop me, send every inch of my heart into all directions. A side player had to push the truth in your way for you to realize and well I had given up. The board was drowned once again, for the very last time. I put my guards up and found new players, players whom held me up, battled you off. The game of hearts ended before it even had begun, and I was the one whom was left to hurt, that game is buried, you sir fellow player have blown my heart into smithereens enough, you shall never get even close to being back into my heart, for us the game of hearts has ended.
