Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

 I never thought I'd learn to love again,

the shattered pieces I look at in disbelief.

I don't feel that familiar cold dread in my chest,

no voices talking me out of this.


I found you,

I am relearning all that I know.

My heart beats faster than it ever did,

this love is different from before.


This love feels gentle,

no games: just our hearts,

I know this is only the start

but loving you isn't hard.


 You make me feel whole,

I know this may not be forever,

I have never felt like that before,

but I like us being together.

Thought of you

Wednesday 5 May 2021

Hello, lovelies! 

It is that time of year again, Valentine's day has just passed. I don't usually post about it but I felt inspired to write a little valentines themed post.  I have been thinking about power couples, two people who are just right for each other. I couldn’t think of many LGBTQ+ couples sadly, so most couples mentioned are heterosexual. I am always looking for more LQBTQ+ books and representation, it’s quite sad that as a lesbian I don’t do enough reading around my community: if you have any suggestions on books I’d deeply appreciate it. 

Some of my favourite couples are so obvious if you know me in you will have seen a few of these coming. This post is incredibly smushy I am aware, bare with I will back to none love content next week! Let’s dive right in with my favourite couples that I think are canon, let’s begin in no particular order: 

Piper Chapman &  Alex Vause - this is partly from the Orange Is The New Black book but mainly Netflix series which the writer Piper Kerman had input on. Piper is a little annoying at times but this is a couple that just cannot stay away from each other. The book isn't very long but I like how the series adapted and delved further into their relationship as well as prison life. Time passes and they still find themselves in each other's arms. This was also the first lesbian couple I have ever read in a book as well as watched in a series. OITNB is the only reason I signed up for  Netflix in the first place. 

Jay Gatsby and Daisy Buchanan - this couple is a little problematic. I cannot help but admire Gatsby’s love for Daisy.  Everything he ever does it own her heart, it’s tragically beautiful. Whenever I read the scenes when they’re together it just feels so right. What I like the most is that they started off as a fling really young and life  and war happended and years later they were back in each other’s arms. Fate is an incredible thing. When I say I like this couple, I really mean I like Gatsby and his forever holding onto hope. Daisy is  beautiful but incredibly iffy and selfish, Gatsby deserved better. A tragic ending but I admire Gatsby and his sheer hope for love.

Allie Hamilton and Noah Calhoun - From The Notebook. A tear jerker if there ever was one. This love story is absolutely beautiful. Noah goes out of his way to build Allie her dream house, absolutely beautiful. Their love story from young to elderly is gorgeous. When they're a part Noah writes letters 365 Days, this is super romantic and hits me in the feels. When the pair grow older Allie develops Alzheimer's and Noah goes out of his way to read her their story, I think that is so beautiful. At times she doesn't remember him and for him to power through this to tell her their story is stunning, and I can't imagine how hard it is to see someone you love forget you. Their story is beautiful.

Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy - I cannot adore this couple any more than I do! These lovely lovers are from none other than the Bridget Jones' series written by Helen Fielding.  It was Mark Darcy's love for Bridget that taught me this life lesson: in the book (and film) he tells Bridget he loves her 'just as you are'. I  have these exact words tattooed on me. It is so important we love people for exactly who they are, we cannot change people but it will fit when you find the right person. This isn't the only reason I have the quote tattooed on me but it is a reminder to myself to love myself just as I am. Self-love is such an important thing to me, and it was this book that really showed me you should not change yourself for a person or the world. I love this couple for them but more for what they remind me of. 

Estella and Pip - I will always love this couple. Even if it doesn’t really happen properly until the end of Great Expectations. Pip fell in love with Estella at a young age, and even though Estella grew to be quite cold, due her upbringing from Havisham, it is sweet that in the end it was Pip she fell in love with, Afte time a part and a marriage, it is Pip her story ends with. I think there is something sweet about two people who are meant to be together. 

Thank you for reading this weeks blog post! I hope you enjoyed reading this just as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I hope you all had a lovely Valentines day, I sure did. See you guys next week.

Literature Lovers 🖤

Wednesday 17 February 2021

The first person I kissed was a girl, I was at a sleepover with my two of my best friends. I'd drank at least half a can of Fosters and in year 8 - that was a pretty big deal to me. I don't have a problem with kissing girls - I have dated girls since. The problem was kissing a friend, I was peer pressured into it. I'm not annoyed at the fact our lips touched several times that night, I'm annoyed because of the planted feelings that reoccur in my chest, even years after. We are still friends this girl and I. She doesn't know  that I think about that night more than I probably should. When things don't work out with other girls I want to run right back to her even though I was never hers and nor was she mine. I get mad at her when she talks about boys and when she enters cycles of toxic relationships which all end in her sad and sinking back into her depression, I tell her I'm mad because she is my friend and I care for her. I tell her she deserves better than some fuck boy, but I don't tell her that I want to hold her and kiss her until she realises how beautiful  kind she is.

I remember her previous boyfriends and how when those relationships ended she swore she was lonely, and that she does not deserve to be loved. And each time I wanted to scream at her,  tell her that I love her, and that I will never let her be alone. But I stayed silent, because my words mean nothing to her. Just sounds that plead to her.  I keep myself at a distance now, my heart simply cannot take the throbs her smile dishes out. I am still there for her, with kind words and reassurance but that is all.

The girl I shared my first kiss with, she unknowingly taught me a valuable life lesson. The real sadness to life is when you realize that even though you can love a person with all of your being they don't always reciprocate those exact feelings and nor do they have to - you can give them so much but you can't force a person to love you back, no matter how hard you try.

A Girl

Thursday 20 July 2017

He roars; she screams
Violence is shed
rivers from wounds that bled
a mixture of lustful dreams

She roars; he strikes
an unbelievable fight
out goes the lights
her cries; he likes.

He roars; she moans
bodies cradle
it's her body; he owns
she's mentally unstable.

unstable

Thursday 24 November 2016

I can feel it already
The little strings  steady
From me to you
Bounding us to two.

I can't fight the need
I'm falling at a very high speed
You're the one I want
You're changing my font.

Your eyes are a new world
And at you I am being hurled
Feeling on full blast
Maybe I've found the one at last...

New World

Friday 11 November 2016

-monologue inspired by McFly's Bubble Wrap-

How could you just move on like that? Quick and easy like I was nothing, like we didn't happen. You hurt me, you hurt us. You pushed me away like you always do, but I'm the one feeling guilty, but it was you! I am broken, and you? You're smiling with her! Whoever she is, she'll be added to the pile, like me she'll be just another ghost in your bed!

How could you manipulate me like that? Make me belief I was the one who kept fucking up, you monster. Did I mean nothing to you at all? Even after you torn my heart to shreds you kept pushing, painting the city with rumours about me.  You cowardly liar! 

How could you make it about you? Make it out as if you can relate to every sad song. "Don't get all emotional baby" That's what you always told me, you're the one who was so unable to communicate.
This is the last time I let you hurt me. Have fun with her, I so hope to God she doesn't have to go through the shit I did, no person deserves your crap. I want nothing to do with the things you're going through!

How could you?

Wednesday 2 November 2016

Things happen and people change. We cannot control everything in our lives, even we try so damn hard. Things happen and people change. We can only control what we ourselves do, how other people react and act we have no say in that matter. Things happen and people change. People will leave you life, and you will leave theirs, and even if you try to hold on to them, upkeep a relationship sometimes it just doesn't go to plan. People change and things happen. Despite not being in contact with the people you drift from, the people who once knew everything about you and now appear to be strangers, you don't have to throw you memories with them aside.  Things happen and people change. The memories don't change, the feelings and pure joy you felt with those people don't just disappear, you don't have to be rude or hate them. People change and things happen. You can still be happy for them; and have that some old platonic love for them, even if they aren't a part of your everyday life anymore. Things happen and we all go through change.

things happen and people change

Sunday 30 October 2016

My shadow is sewn to my soul
I can't tear the two apart
You can't get over the wall
I won't allow you to get to my heart.

I dare you to break through
Take down all of those bricks
It's something nobody has been able to do
What you see, do you think you can fix?

Fix?

Monday 26 September 2016

Dear Fuck Boy,
What on earth do you think you're doing? Messing with a girls head, alluring her into a false security and then getting what you want and just vanish like nothing happened. First, you find a girl, and you tell her your intention, not your true intentions of course, and you get her to like you, you go on several dates and you get to first base, even second and then when third comes into the game? You hit it and then leave. This is  not okay. You can't just tell a girl you want to be with her, that you like her and then only use her for sex and end the game. It's cruel, but you know what you're doing and you don't care, that's the worst part. You do this to one girl, and then another and then not long you've got a line of girls behind you who feel used and are hurt, but why would you care? You have yet another notch on your bedpost. Well not this time, she caught you out. She didn't believe a word you said, allowed you to barely hit second base before she caught your ass out. How stupid do you feel now? She escaped before you could even hit the ball.  Fuck boy, you didn't get to fuck this one, I just hope no other girls get stuck in your game.

Dear Fuck Boy,

Tuesday 23 August 2016

I don't need somebody, I don't want somebody. What good can a somebody do to me? To spend hours in and out talking, learning new things about each other by the second, for only to remember the little details and for their words to keep you awake at night when it is all over. Having a somebody to feel their lips against yours, their hands over your tummy feeling every inch of skin they possibly can, pulling you close to feel them, their touch you will crave much longer and much more intense when they don't want you anymore. Their whispers of lust, so electric in the moment, but long after you will be reeling with the shock. Staying up late to talk to that somebody, eager to give up sleep just to spend more time with them, when that somebody isn't there anymore you're still losing sleep, only you're eager to give up your every memory of that somebody desperate to finally fall asleep, because it doesn't hurt when you're sleeping. When things are going well you want to tell anyone who will listen, pour your heart out about the somebody, but then what when they leave? You're left with questions, and the disappointment of telling people it didn't work out; when really you were tossed aside, unwanted and the somebody just wasn't as into it as you were. I don't want another somebody, I am fine with my own body.

Somebody

Friday 12 August 2016

Twelve-year-olds
they're in relationships
rejoicing about a one month anniversary
claiming it is forever&always

We mock them
and roll our eyes
they're young and stupid
how could they possibly understand?

Yet when it is adults
isn't it just the same?
Craving another human
wanting them to be your forever and always

They might be young
but so are your hearts
maybe they love just as much as you do
you have all the problems of an adult
they have careless time and freedom.

Love is timeless
it effects you all the same
it makes you dramatic
it makes life tense
if you're 12 or 21
love doesn't have a limit.

Forever&Always

Monday 13 June 2016

Sometimes I am thankful for being alone, I witness my friends hearts' breaking their emotions taking full control of them. I hear their sorrowful words of how much they miss another person, how their own bed feels foreign without the arms of their lover. As I am consoling them, reassuring that there are better guys out there, I am almost grateful for holding my own my heart. I see them happy, enjoying the company of another, I almost feel envious until I remember them all falling apart, cheeks stained and empty inside. Sometimes I feel annoyed at myself for not having a person of my own, but seeing the people I know hurt or angry because of the person they love makes me feel thankful. If the strongest people I know can turn into vulnerable creatures right before my eyes at the expense of love, then what chance would I have? I'm weak to begin with, love would destroy me.

love would destroy me

Sunday 12 June 2016

Hey guys,
As you can tell by the title today I will be talking about Tinder and the experiences I have had. The first part I posted mid-March here is the link if you wish to read that post first http://writingmy-heart.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/my-tinder-experiences.html after that post I deleted Tinder and took a step back from it. At least until I turned eighteen (on March 23rd) and joined the 'adult tinder'. Rejoining Tinder as an adult, I assumed it meant something more serious and not wasting my time as much, but well you can see by the experiences I am about to tell you how exactly that went. Get your cuppa ready (Peppermint for me) and read ahead.
The extremely attractive guy
As soon as I turned eighteen I redownloaded the app and excitedly began to swipe. The same day I swiped right on a super handsome guy, it was one of those swipes where you know you have no chance but you swipe anyways, and to my surprise he swiped right too. Instantly I thought I have no chance, but this guy called Nathan messaged me first. I have to say guys I was punching above my weight, he was twenty two built as heck, and studied biomedicine in Uni. So we started talking and that led to getting each other's Snapchat (FYI BAD IDEA) and we began to talk every day, we got to know each other more, however sometimes replies would be hours a part, he had Uni and things so I kind of expected it. It was two weeks into talking, I had kind of hinted we should meet up or something but he didn't bite. Anyways, one night it was late and I was a little messed up and the conversation took a turn, we weren't chatting how we usually, I am partly to blame for this and basically that night we ventured into 'sexting' and that lead to many more sexting sessions in the weeks to come. We sexted more but still had casual conversations but then I noticed he would only ever have fast replies when we were sexting, and of course if that didn't send alarms off in my head other stuff did. Sometimes he would read my messages and not reply for hours and then later be like  'what did you say?' That would annoy me, it wasn't even the once. It was three weeks in and well if you know me personally I kind of get attached easily, can you blame me though? Talking to a person every day and getting to know them and what not. So it got to the month mark, and like we weren't moving forward, with sexting  we added porn into the equation (don't judge) but with me and him it seemed we weren't moving forward with meeting each other, plus his exams were beginning. Admittedly I got a little crazy, he wouldn't reply all weekend and he was going out the night before and hadn't talked to me the next day, in typical girl style I went crazy but not to him, I talked to my gay about it and stuff but it turned out he was at his grandparents wedding anniversary, which I felt bad for but also glad I didn't voice my crazy to him. I was kind of like insecure because why would a guy who can have any girl want to talk to me? It didn't make sense. A week later I decided to ask him what he wanted, and where this was going. It was doing my head in, and I was sick of acting like a crazy bitch, it wasn't fair on me having these thoughts and not knowing if this was going anywhere. So I asked him are we just sexting, are we mates or what I have no clue what he wants. I felt nervous, because even though I wanted the truth I kind of didn't. I had previously messaged him saying if you don't want to talk or I'm being needy or whatever tell me etc. and he told me not to be stupid and that he likes talking to me. He told me that he didn't want anything 'super serious' and that he wanted to just go with it and talk and what not. Which obviously that hurt me a little, it lead to a couple days later removing him from Snapchat, it wasn't out of spite it was just, it felt like I was obsessed with him and wanted approval and I was waiting on replies like a needy girlfriend, and he didn't want what I wanted, so I had to take the plunge for myself. I simply got rid of him, until the next day. He messaged me on Tinder asking if I blocked him on Snapchat and if he had done or said something wrong. I didn't understand because like I am just some girl and I didn't understand why he'd care. But I messaged him back, telling him that I had to, and that I liked him a lot, and that I realise I want something serious and that it's okay that he doesn't want to be serious, and that I kind of have to walk away because I'll be the one who gets hurt and that really it's better now than later. So.. I was expecting a dick reply, because guys generally don't like it when girls kind of you know back off and walk away, but with all honesty his reply made me cry 'Oh I see, I completely understand I get what you mean, I'm sorry things didn't work out, you're a great girl and you'll find someone properly, hope you're ok' ladies and gents he couldn't have been lovelier about the situation, I didn't reply because I knew I wouldn't be able to walk away if I did. So yeah, that was the time I walked away from the hottest guy I've ever seen!
Awkward guy
The next guy, I don't remember his name we didn't talk long and you can see why by the following. We started talking and he was kind of awkward, but that didn't put me off awkwardness happens. We talked for an hour or so and he talked about meeting up. I was like yeah sure but once we get to know each other first, which is a given because I don't want to meet a guy and we have nothing to talk about. It got weird, when he asked where we should meet and obviously I suggested a public place, but he was against the idea of a public place, and the went on to ask why don't I just come straight his house, apparently he is super nervous and doesn't like leaving the house, this set off alarm bells. I was like nope, and stopped talking to him. I understand that perhaps he does have issues but I can't just go to some persons house I don't know, I care far too much about myself to be putting myself in potential danger.
Creepy guy?
The next guy I think was called Mark or maybe Warren not sure. He basically found my Instagram and followed me and told me he was from Tinder, immediate block.
The writer guy
A similar story, I get a message on my Instagram from a guy. We talk, and he's a writer and we talked about writing things, and he then told me he also found me on Tinder (I immediately disconnected my tinder and Instagram so they had no link) and then went on to make me feel a little awkward by telling me I had swiped left, so I'm guessing that lead to him finding my Instagram. It creeped me out, completely. He then went on to tell me how he messaged Demi (my best friend) about her art and doing some art stuff for him, which again I found weird, and we talked more about writer things, I do enjoy talking to other writers so I kind of let the creepy thing go.I did have to set him straight though at some point, he was trying to make things a little sexual and I was having none of it and basically told him if that is what he wants then we can stop talking now, and that I basically only want to talk to him from one writer to another.  We talk still but only briefly, he seems like an okay guy I no longer get alarm bells.
The meet up guy
Jonny, this guy we got talking and he is lovely. We got along straight away, and we talk sometimes. However, he is persisted on us meeting up, but he wants me to travel all the way to Durham. It's pretty far plus I have only been there once so it makes me a little nervous. This guy I think I could potentially date but only if he were more willing to compromise, maybe meet me half way or something, but he wants me to go to Durham on the train and then bus it or wherever. I don't want to travel that far on my own, I kind of want to be somewhere I know and feel comfortable with.
The dickhead guy
If you know me well, you will know that I am very serious about Game of Thrones. In my Tinder bio I had that I was a fan and what not. And well some random guy matched with me and decided to send me spoilers, not only for the next episode but several episodes ahead, I wasn't caught up either. Can you imagine how pissed off I was? I was perhaps overdramatic with this but I replied calling him a dickhead and blocking him.
The current guy
Jordan,this guy I still talk to. I got his Snapchat before I decided to leave Tinder. We first started talking about Game of Thrones, and discussing ideas and  theories, and we still talk now. He is a nice guy, currently about to go off to America for the Summer. I am not sure where this is going with him, and I currently feel like we are just mates at the moment, but who knows what could happen. I'm not overthinking it, I am just going with it. Things are chill and he is a good friend.

So that is all I have this time round, I no longer use Tinder and I don't plan to in the future. I kind of figured that I am only eighteen and I don't need a relationship, I shouldn't feel pressure because most of my friends have boyfriends. I am happy being single, doing my own thing, I'm just taking life head on. And if I end up in a relationship cool, if not cool, I'll still be focusing on me and loving myself and being positive. I hope you enjoyed this, who knows what experiences I will have to share in the future. Thank you for reading, please follow the blog, I post every day! Lauren :)


My Tinder Experience (Part II)

Friday 3 June 2016

I feel one of my main goals in life is happiness, not just for me but for those around me. I want to make people happy.
I want to make this one person happy. I want to be there on  a Sunday morning when he wakes up, cuddle him and appreciate him. Cook him his favourite breakfast and spend the entire day with him. If he's playing on his PlayStation, I won't nag him to come off. I'll get him drinks and snacks, I want to wrap my arms around his waist and annoy him a little with little kisses on his cheeks and his neck. I want to make him smile, even it's by a post-it note or if we are just laying around talking about pointless things or our future. I want to just lay there and look at him, his beautiful eyes and make him feel wanted, because he is.
It's not about sex, it's just about wanting to spend time with another person, making them smile and just enjoying the presence of their company. Getting to know someone, taking an interest in all their favourite things, showing them just how much you care. I want him to  be able to tell his friends about me, I want him to proud of me, but mostly I want him to know his happiness matters to me the most.
When he's sad, and maybe I cannot make him his happiest, but I can be there. For him to confide in me or just even to sit with and cuddle. If he doesn't want to talk that's okay, I won't winge at him for the lack of communication I will be there for him and not pry out his problems, I want him to be comfortable. And even if we are sat in silence, as long as he knows I'm by his side that is what matters. When we're walking down the street, I'll hold his hand. When he's texting I won't up on his back, I'll trust him and never doubt his intentions. What I am saying is, I'm not asking for much. Just a chance, a chance at happiness for the both of us. I chance to prove myself to you, and make you feel the best you can feel.
If there is one thing in life I know that matters, it's happiness. As along as there is happiness that's all that counts. Like Lucy Spraggan says "As long as you're happy then you've got the game right!"

Happy

Saturday 9 January 2016

Individual, as a individual I have noticed each of us hold an individuality. No two people are exactly the same, no two situations are identical, and certainly each person's relationships differs from one another, to make a comparison is kind of unfair, circumstances are different. 
Being an individual it's easy to say that my thoughts are different from yours, we don't have the same thought track and what might be going on in the back of your mind isn't necessarily what is going on in the back of mine. Sure we might have some minor similarities, and yeah maybe what I am saying is relative but each word is different, if you were to write about the same topic would it be anything like this one? Sure we use the same alphabet and words from the same dictionary but how we order and use those words and place the letters is delivered uniquely.
We all have individual thoughts, and that is what is amazing about humans. We choose not to follow the crowd, each of us follow different beliefs, we each have different hobbies and we all act differently. That is the point of being individual.
As individuals we should all be able to act for ourselves, and stay solely involved within our own business. Surely that is the only right to do so? Unless you willingly allowed people in your business and as an individual you have the freedom to do so. We control what happens next to us, we decide the outtake we have on life.
What happens when someone takes that away from us? Someone intrudes trying to make your decision for you, getting all up in your business and you didn't ask them too. They come along comparing and intervening, that is wrong. What right do they have?
As an individual we need to do what is best for us, maybe it is selfish but in the end we only really have ourselves to depend on int he end. Do what makes you happy, take control and don't allow anyone to even try and steer the wheel of your journey. Having said that, don't try and steer wheels that aren't your own, it won't work in your favour.

Here is the google definition of the word Individual;

individual
ɪndɪˈvɪdjʊ(ə)l/
adjective
  1. 1.
    single; separate.
    "individual tiny flowers"
    synonyms:single, separate, discrete, independent; More
  2. 2.
    of or for a particular person.
    "the individual needs of the children"
noun
  1. 1.
    a single human being as distinct from a group.
    "boat trips for parties and individuals"


______

Individual

Friday 13 November 2015

  I started writing this morning on my journey to sixth form, it felt good to write so early, it wasn't forced and the words felt natural, they felt real especially being the atmosphere and setting of what I was writing. 

 A tsunami of mist flooded the village. Each house you could only see the tops peeking from the white cloud. It was almost as if the secrets, people and all things living were imprisoned by the vapors. It's a small community, at least until they grab their pitchforks and become an unstoppable army ridding their villages of dirt and unwanted visitors.
  As I walk through the early morning, the cold bites at me, like it does every weekday morning.
The only life visible is those of the field animals, minding their own business, most of the time.
     As weird as it sounds I like to people watch, in my head I sometimes give them whole background stories and what not. It might make me crazy but I cannot resist. 
Since getting into a routine, waking up, peeing, sipping at a cup of tea whilst checking Instagram, getting ready, talk to dad for a bit and leave for ten past eight. I then get on the same bus I do every day, the black eleven. I say black because it used to be purple, I preferred it purple, not that it matters really. As I've become accustomed to the number eleven, there is a pattern of people, who it seems have their own routine. I don't talk to them of course, but I see them all every if not most days.
Weirdly enough I've become fascinated with two people, I say fascinated mildly, they are always in plain sight, I don't know why. Except today, today they sit at the back which is unusual for their routine, maybe there is a glitch, or maybe it is because the bus is packed a lot earlier and quicker than usual.
   The two people, a boy. A girl. You probably know where I'm going to with this. I noted how beautiful they both are, natural beauty. She with her dark curly brown hair, kind of like spaghetti, she has kind of tanned ivory skin, not an inch of any beauty product evident. Him, handsome muddy blonde hair, also tanned skin. He sounds quite cliche but he isn't, he isn't clean cut like most males of that description, instead he wears a beard.
   Let's name them, Clarissa and Dwayne.  I liked them immediately, they were close. You could feel the tension between them though, the need for one another. The biology between them. They get on the bus together, they sit together, she even leaves her sister to sit next to him, at least until he gets off. I say sister, maybe she isn't. And they coincidentally share the same hair.
    The moment I first saw Clarissa and Dwayne, I routed for them. They obviously made for each other. Each day I wondered if their friendship would sprout into something more. I had a suspicion that perhaps they were in a relationship. Yesterday I got my answer.
     He pressed the bell before hoisting his backpack over his right shoulder, and before turning to leave he bent down, Clarissa tilted her head up. And that's when I got my answer.
   I type away on my phone as my earphones blare music into my ear drums, one day it will damage them, but I love the sounds too much to even turn it down in the slightest.  I look up every now and then, to see the new arrivals of the number eleven journey.
   As usual another person has taken their fate beside me, today I don't mind. That's weird, I'm not nervous or anxious. Very weird. I merely don't mind, is this social improvement?
   I feel like I should maybe stop, stop typing away. Afraid someone will read what I'm typing or simply maybe because I can feel myself begin to ramble on. Until next time...

People Watching

Tuesday 29 September 2015

Me and my Geek - WritingMyHeart

 Falling For The Geek; The Sequel! In the first book;Falling For The Geek, the two unlikely lovers Bad-Ass Ethan Blake and Geek Bella Edmonds, fight through a battle of hate, ex's and drama to find what they never knew existed between them; Love! After everything surprisingly they were happy, ran away together and living the life they both dreamt of together! It comes to their dream life but what happens when their past comes back to taunt them? Ethan and Bella are happily together living the dream, new place, new friends, new jobs what more can you ask for? Everything is finally going great, and things are starting to settle, but how long will this really last? What happens when trouble bubbles in the new life, people turning back to their old ways and feelings are corrupted. Do you think they will finally live the happily ever after they always dreamed of or will it will shattered and ruined by their not so kind past? Will the drama, cheating and lies finally break them, even sun sets in the city...

Me and my Geek

Monday 20 July 2015

Boys Boys Boys...
Hallooooooo, hey, whatss uppp, I will eventually get better at this.
Yep. It's me. I izz back. YOU MISSED ME RIGHT? OF COURSE YOU DID!! I missed you too, kinda.  I did tell you I would be first talking about girls but you know, change of heart -do you get it?- -me neither-.
Boys are full of %^*£ yep they are.
Well they are when you're me.
First of all I need to put one thing out there, are you listening well reading? BOYS AREN'T LIKE THEY ARE IN BOOKS AND IN  MOVIES!
Shocker? Not really. Trust me some guy isn't going to appear outside of your bedroom window whilst he vows his undying love for you, if that did happen call the police stalker/creep alert! Some guy isn't going to come running when you're being bullied, he isn't going to lift your chin up and wipe away the tears, get real! If anything he will join in. Also if you're at a football game or even a basketball game of just some social event (what is one of them???) he won't stop what he's doing just to point you out in the crowd, he won't shout to the world or the audience he loves he, not going to happen. He probably doesn't even know you exist.
I could stress and go on at you for all the shizz movies and books plaster into your minds but that's for another time.
Boys. Well they are the opposite sex of me and maybe even you, I don't know who you are; don't complain. There is so much crap you need to know about boys, because honey they aren't what you think.
1) If you expect a guy to open up and show true feelings the moment you meet him - get that stupid ass thought out of your head. They are complicated, yeah just like us they have insecurities and problems.  THEY NEED TIME. LIKE US WELL GIRLS OR WHOEVER PULLS GUYS OKAY, NEED TIME. Rome wasn't built in  a day no it took a god damn while, a good comparison which takes me onto the next point' guys and brick walls, not much difference.
2) Guys don't read between the lines, not like us. YOU HAVE TO BE BLUNT, HINTS WON'T WORK! You can't expect a guy to read your mind or notice your hair or those new shoes, you need to just be straight up. Don't expect him to read into your kisses, guys are from a whole new planet. What three kisses to you means he likes you, three kisses to him means you want the D (WHAT IS THIS?) Yeah see the difference?
3) GUYS DON'T GO FOR GIRLS LIKE ME! Girls who aren't feminine, girls who aren't perfect. Girls who don't have perfect boobs or bodies. girls who love food more than anything. Girls who can't be bothered 95% of the time. Do you want to know why? The first thing a guy notices is looks, honestly. I tried the whole try and impressive shizz but guess what? NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. Hey that's fine with me. Guys want someone to show their friends too, someone who will fit on his arm perfectly. Someone who has more make up on than brains in her skull. GOOD LOOKING GUYS DON'T GO FOR GIRLS WHO AREN'T GOOD LOOKING. And when if they do, UNLIKELY, when does it really ever work out?
You're all probably thinking I'm just bitching and dissing well no honey, darling, human, I am being honest. How horrible it is people generally don't see the personality first. I've probably offended a whole bunch of people but hey can't please everyone.
4) BOYS AREN'T TOYS YOU CAN'T FIX THEM! That bad boy that's a complete arse to everyone, no he doesn't want you to be a hero. It's his choice to be an ass, and you bending over backwards to his please to 'fix' him will only cause you pain, come on  get real keep being like that you will be his doormat his own personal skivy.
5) WHY ARE THEY SO IMPORTAiNT ANYWAY? Because they have a dangly bit? Because you can hold hands, kiss and just be mushy. Well who cares? So what. Hold your own hand. There is only one person perfect for you and that's yourself.
I don't even know why I bother. Boys are just stressing, you never know what they are thinking, but girls can be just the same, so don't get up in my face and be like WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWOWOWOWO STOP RIGHT THERE CLASH YOU'RE BEING SEXIST! Sit down sunshine and shut up, got it? Girls can be just as fucked up.
6) Don't expect romance. Come on this is Modern Day not the shakesperian times, he's not going to give you roses and take you to a mountain to have a romantic meal under the stars and make out - no reality he is taking you to McDonald's people will watching as you both scoff a McDonald's, you will hold his sweaty hand and there will be pretty much no conversation and at the end of the night... guess what? He will stick is tongue down your throat and say bye and will probably not be back in contact.
7) IF HE LIKES YOU HE WILL TELL YOU - IF HE DOESN'T HE WONT - GOT IT?
I bet after this rant or lecture of whatever you please, there will be air headed girls thinking it will be different and that she can change a guy, romance and crap.It's okay, I don't care I'm just trying to prevent your silly little heart from being broken, but don't mind me. What would I know about boys?
   OH RAPUNZEELLL OH RAPUNZELL LET DOWN YOUR LOCKS AND I WILLL CLIMB AND RESCUE BLAH BLAH BLAH reality OI WILL YA COME AND OPEN YOUR FRONT DOOR IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE AND I WANT ME LEG OVER- basically.
Well I found that refreshing, well maybeee. What am I even talking about? It was a load of bull, all this coming from a pathetic single monster - NOM NOM BOYS HERE I COME TO EAT YOU WHOLE AND THROW AWAY ALL THOSE MAKE UP PLASTER SWIGS TH-EEE THY FOR THUMB - you get it.
BOYS BOYS BOYS - MORE LIKE TOYS, NOISE AND FOOLS - DON'T HAVE HIGH EXPECTATION THEY AREN'T LIKE THEY ARE IN THE MOVIES AND BOOKS THAT'S ALL MADE UP.
I should be going, I mean I've got like a line of boys queing up for ten block gotta keep pleasing - HA I AM SO FUNNY, YOU LAUGHED RIGHT? OF COURSE YOU DID.
AHAHAHAHAHA.
CRYING OF LAUGHTER.
HA.
YEAH.
BOO.
BLAH.
BOYS.
**** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.
Not really that funny.
you're not even laughing.
AWKWARD...
No really, I should be going to like you know... Powder my noise? HAHAHA THERE I GO AGAIN IM FUNNY.
yep
asta lavistaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa baby...
no why do I bother. BAHHH-BYEEEEEEEEE

Reality; Boys Boys Boys

Monday 6 July 2015

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