Dwelling

I have this mood poisoning habit, I hate it but I don't know how to stop. My problem is I dwell too much, on little things, big things and stupid futile things. It's annoying, why can't I just forget about it and move on. Instead I just think about it a lot. Dwelling on it until it completely ruins my mood.  It's not good to dwell on things, you're just setting yourself up to be put in a bad mood. I've noted that a lot of what we feel is self inflicted. How much more clear would our thoughts be if we didn't worry about simple things, or over analyse? It's good to just let it go sometimes.

Dwelling

Wednesday, 7 October 2015

Nightmares

Nightmares. We all have them, they are personal. Everyone  has nightmares are different, from what seems not scary to one person it can the most frightening thing to another. Nightmares effect us all differently. They can make you feel alone, frightened and in danger. They can make you cry and wake up in a sweat.

Some people rarely get them, some people always get them. For me I get them often. In life there are always good and bad things happening, and nightmares and dreams are a part of that. We have these bad things called nightmares because it prepares us to get on with life and allow connect with what truly makes us fragile and vulnerable.

My nightmares, when I get them they affect my day, I shouldn't let this happen but it can't be helped. I think that sometimes it is good to share these dreams, nightmares or just anything that is bothering. I want to share them with you, it may not seem scary to you but here I will be sharing my insecurities with you, and if you feel like it you can share yours. I think I may post accounts ever now and then of some of my dreams and nightmares just do put them somewhere.

I napped today, for three or so hours. When I nap I often don't dream; but this time was different.

The place I was okay, it seemed okay. I was with my big sister, my mam and little brother. We were at this fair, packed with people. We went into this room which turned into a roller coaster; there was something dodgy about it. It didn't seem right. So this roller coaster started, it went through rooms and went passed dodgy characters. Not people but blooded characters like Cat in the hat or other childhood characters almost like zombies.

Once it was done, the fair was dark. Everything busy, the gypsies intimidating. Everyone was staring at me, looking like I was the one who was the zombie. I found myself waiting outside of a shop, those same characters from the roller-coaster hanging around, staring at me. This is when I began feeling worried, from this point I ended up on a bus. With this blue character, it was short and furry and was my friend.

The bus is where it became bad. I met someone, they were cartoon, I recognised them. Big eyes, a cunning face and everything called out danger to me. That's when it talked to me it's big eyes staring me down like I was a piece of meat, it wanted to 'play a game' I hadn't even replied and the bus transformed into some kind of dungeon. It sat opposite me, my little blue friend on the corner of the room with another creature.

That someone, the one I recognised asked me to play a game. A game to almost make me turn on myself. At first it was a stupid task, dress up and let it take a picture of me, so I did. The dungeon almost transformed letting people in, it wanted me to meet them. They weren't nice people and this I could see, they made me drink and take drugs, once again it took a picture. It seemed whenever I did a task it took a picture, a reminder.

It got the point I knew who it was. This creature, only when it was holding scissors with that look in its eyes. It wanted me to stand outside, have chocolate to my mouth in an x shape and take a selfie. The creature, it was me. It was an evil version of myself, it was only when my eyes changed like it’s to take a this selfie.

I was scared, I knew it was tempted  to kill me with the scissors. It handed me them, it picked the camera up and showed me the pictures one by one. They were all me doing wrong things, the creature said things, a lot of negative things, it wanted me to kill myself. It wanted me to regret and feel those bad decisions so it could feel the joy of me committing suicide.

I forced myself to wake up, I had to. It was only not long after I had woke up it sunk it, I cried. It hurt knowing someone or something wanted me to kill myself, the thing that was me wanted me gone. It made me realise that I am my own worst enemy; I should never listen to myself being negative because it could push me over the edge.

It was a horrible dream, the worst really. But it helped me, not only to release a well needed cry but to appreciate my life, not take things for granted and if anything I should do everything I do with my 100% best and don't let things bring me down and simply move on.

This was only one of my nightmares, if you want somewhere to share yours comment or message me or whatever; I am all ears.

Nightmares

Wednesday, 22 July 2015