Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
345 days clean. I would say 345 days strong but I’d be lying, each day I grow weaker. The need lingers and some days I come close to breaking my streak, but I am reminded by the glare. That glare of the foul creature that haunts the sky, the professor that keeps me and my kind in order.   Today is the day I am supposed to celebrate, celebrate my secret. The celebration has not started well, I have been awake over an hour and yet I have not moved my sorry ass out off of this pit I call a bed.

Move out on your own they said, stand on your own two feet they told me, it would do me the world of good. Again I am reminded why I probably shouldn’t accept the advice I receive. I wander across the empty floorboards, barefoot ignoring the cold of forgetting to shut all the windows the night before, as usual. The only noises are my own, cracking of my bones as I lazily stretch to the kitchen.


I cannot help miss the smell of thick grease from grizzled bacon on the stove each morning, or the disgusting waft of vegetables anytime the fridge was opened. It’s different now, no one is cooking me bacon and no one is filling the fridge. Independence is a cruel thing, you hunt for yourself and you provide for yourself. And if you don’t? You hear the consequence as it rumbles through you preventing any possible chance of sleep.


~.~
Parts in order;
Wild One
Wave of Lavender

Hunter of Hope

Thursday 19 May 2016

My hopes are high
too high
they are flying with the birds
quick shoot them down!

Stop them from soaring
keep them from knowing
I've got to keep my feet on the ground.

I can't let them become out of reach
I must see and hold them to my chest
I can't let them get out of control
that is what is best.

If I don't shoot them down
inevitably someone else will
step back, forefinger on the trigger
aim and pull back
I've got to keep my feet on the ground.

Feet on the ground

Sunday 13 December 2015

As many know today was the A level results day. Today I got my AS results, and I didn't get anything near what I hoped for. C in photography, D in Media Studies and E in English Literature. I am completely disappointed in myself. Photography I expected, and pleased with. Media that was a shocker, however next year I plan on doing A2 as well as As, which means I will be fixing my AS coursework up and resitting that exam, as well as doing A2 Coursework and Exam. English, wow from being of my best lessons and result at GCSE has turned to my worst at AS Level. Next year I will retaking AS and staying another year to do A2!

I am not disheartened, from this I have a lesson to take. It's obvious I clearly hadn't put enough work in, I let a lot get on top of me so instead of feeling so down about my results it has taught me that this is what happens when you don't put the work in like you should. The first of college admittedly has been quite difficult, but I will be going into my second year hopefully I am more accustomed to things. Determined to make this year better, so next results day I won't be sulking and eating my emotions instead I will be over the moon and celebrating. I plan on so much better this up coming year, I shall get the results I need and I SHALL BE GOING TO UNI!!

- ALSO WELL DONE TO EVERYONE WHO GOT THEIR RESULTS TODAY! IF YOU DID GOOD OR BAD THERE IS STILL HOPE!

Results Day

Thursday 13 August 2015

Despite all chances the light ripped through the forest
Have you ever been trapped by darkness, emotional darkness. It's contagious, once you feel is once it tends to stay a little while.  Sometimes it feels like a virus; you're stuck with it for life... It is sometimes camouflaged, hiding in the back of your mind ready to be flagged up at any given time.
The darkness can be overpowering, it can weaken us until we feel like we are nothing, nothing but a waste of space and time.  It's like a constant cloud within you,
 
You feel like you're falling, falling further and further into nothingness. You feel trapped, uneasy and unable of a single spec of happiness. You believe it will last forever, but you are wrong. It won't last forever, it simply can't. You have to be strong, don't let that darkness drive you. The light will become evident, even if it's just a spark, a singular spark in the darkness. You  better grasp it with both hands, and let it fill you. Soon enough there will be more than just a sparking splitting your darkness in two.

Darkness

Thursday 28 May 2015