Boys Boys Boys...
Hallooooooo, hey, whatss uppp, I will eventually get better at this.
Yep. It's me. I izz back. YOU MISSED ME RIGHT? OF COURSE YOU DID!! I missed you too, kinda. I did tell you I would be first talking about girls but you know, change of heart -do you get it?- -me neither-.
Boys are full of %^*£ yep they are.
Well they are when you're me.
First of all I need to put one thing out there, are you listening well reading? BOYS AREN'T LIKE THEY ARE IN BOOKS AND IN MOVIES!
Shocker? Not really. Trust me some guy isn't going to appear outside of your bedroom window whilst he vows his undying love for you, if that did happen call the police stalker/creep alert! Some guy isn't going to come running when you're being bullied, he isn't going to lift your chin up and wipe away the tears, get real! If anything he will join in. Also if you're at a football game or even a basketball game of just some social event (what is one of them???) he won't stop what he's doing just to point you out in the crowd, he won't shout to the world or the audience he loves he, not going to happen. He probably doesn't even know you exist.
I could stress and go on at you for all the shizz movies and books plaster into your minds but that's for another time.
Boys. Well they are the opposite sex of me and maybe even you, I don't know who you are; don't complain. There is so much crap you need to know about boys, because honey they aren't what you think.
1) If you expect a guy to open up and show true feelings the moment you meet him - get that stupid ass thought out of your head. They are complicated, yeah just like us they have insecurities and problems. THEY NEED TIME. LIKE US WELL GIRLS OR WHOEVER PULLS GUYS OKAY, NEED TIME. Rome wasn't built in a day no it took a god damn while, a good comparison which takes me onto the next point' guys and brick walls, not much difference.
2) Guys don't read between the lines, not like us. YOU HAVE TO BE BLUNT, HINTS WON'T WORK! You can't expect a guy to read your mind or notice your hair or those new shoes, you need to just be straight up. Don't expect him to read into your kisses, guys are from a whole new planet. What three kisses to you means he likes you, three kisses to him means you want the D (WHAT IS THIS?) Yeah see the difference?
3) GUYS DON'T GO FOR GIRLS LIKE ME! Girls who aren't feminine, girls who aren't perfect. Girls who don't have perfect boobs or bodies. girls who love food more than anything. Girls who can't be bothered 95% of the time. Do you want to know why? The first thing a guy notices is looks, honestly. I tried the whole try and impressive shizz but guess what? NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. Hey that's fine with me. Guys want someone to show their friends too, someone who will fit on his arm perfectly. Someone who has more make up on than brains in her skull. GOOD LOOKING GUYS DON'T GO FOR GIRLS WHO AREN'T GOOD LOOKING. And when if they do, UNLIKELY, when does it really ever work out?
You're all probably thinking I'm just bitching and dissing well no honey, darling, human, I am being honest. How horrible it is people generally don't see the personality first. I've probably offended a whole bunch of people but hey can't please everyone.
4) BOYS AREN'T TOYS YOU CAN'T FIX THEM! That bad boy that's a complete arse to everyone, no he doesn't want you to be a hero. It's his choice to be an ass, and you bending over backwards to his please to 'fix' him will only cause you pain, come on get real keep being like that you will be his doormat his own personal skivy.
5) WHY ARE THEY SO IMPORTAiNT ANYWAY? Because they have a dangly bit? Because you can hold hands, kiss and just be mushy. Well who cares? So what. Hold your own hand. There is only one person perfect for you and that's yourself.
I don't even know why I bother. Boys are just stressing, you never know what they are thinking, but girls can be just the same, so don't get up in my face and be like WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWOWOWOWO STOP RIGHT THERE CLASH YOU'RE BEING SEXIST! Sit down sunshine and shut up, got it? Girls can be just as fucked up.
6) Don't expect romance. Come on this is Modern Day not the shakesperian times, he's not going to give you roses and take you to a mountain to have a romantic meal under the stars and make out - no reality he is taking you to McDonald's people will watching as you both scoff a McDonald's, you will hold his sweaty hand and there will be pretty much no conversation and at the end of the night... guess what? He will stick is tongue down your throat and say bye and will probably not be back in contact.
7) IF HE LIKES YOU HE WILL TELL YOU - IF HE DOESN'T HE WONT - GOT IT?
I bet after this rant or lecture of whatever you please, there will be air headed girls thinking it will be different and that she can change a guy, romance and crap.It's okay, I don't care I'm just trying to prevent your silly little heart from being broken, but don't mind me. What would I know about boys?
OH RAPUNZEELLL OH RAPUNZELL LET DOWN YOUR LOCKS AND I WILLL CLIMB AND RESCUE BLAH BLAH BLAH reality OI WILL YA COME AND OPEN YOUR FRONT DOOR IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE AND I WANT ME LEG OVER- basically.
Well I found that refreshing, well maybeee. What am I even talking about? It was a load of bull, all this coming from a pathetic single monster - NOM NOM BOYS HERE I COME TO EAT YOU WHOLE AND THROW AWAY ALL THOSE MAKE UP PLASTER SWIGS TH-EEE THY FOR THUMB - you get it.
BOYS BOYS BOYS - MORE LIKE TOYS, NOISE AND FOOLS - DON'T HAVE HIGH EXPECTATION THEY AREN'T LIKE THEY ARE IN THE MOVIES AND BOOKS THAT'S ALL MADE UP.
I should be going, I mean I've got like a line of boys queing up for ten block gotta keep pleasing - HA I AM SO FUNNY, YOU LAUGHED RIGHT? OF COURSE YOU DID.
AHAHAHAHAHA.
CRYING OF LAUGHTER.
HA.
YEAH.
BOO.
BLAH.
BOYS.
**** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.
Not really that funny.
you're not even laughing.
AWKWARD...
No really, I should be going to like you know... Powder my noise? HAHAHA THERE I GO AGAIN IM FUNNY.
yep
asta lavistaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa baby...
no why do I bother. BAHHH-BYEEEEEEEEE
