Summer Begins

Hello loyal readers!

Firstly, I will begin to say that I apologize for being awol this month. It is exam season, and well life threw me a curveball this month in my personal life. But, I am back in the frame of mind of writing again. This month has perhaps been one of the most difficult in my life so far, but I plowed through focusing on my exams and nothing else. My last exam was yesterday, and it was such a relief to have finally finished A Levels after 3 long years. The pressure to not fuck up has been real, I am not sure how results day will go, some of my exams were tough, but I know not to dwell on them right now. I did my best and it's all out of my hands right now.

To celebrate finishing A Levels with my friends, after my exam we decided to get drunk. Pitchers at the ready of course. It was a nice end to three years.

I want to talk about how it took me three years to finish A-Levels, I am aware it took my longer than a lot of my peers but it was important it took me three years. This time last year I was finishing AS for the second time round, and I've been thinking about my state of mind then compared to now. If I hadn't of messed up my first year and had gone to Uni last September, I honestly do not think I would have been ready. I was still worried on where I wanted to go in life, whereas now? I feel more steady, and I know I want to do English and going into the publishing industry. It took me the last year or so to discover myself, I know what I want and where I want to go. I have learned a lot about myself due to taking that extra year to complete A Levels. I am glad I messed up my first year, I would not be the person I am today without it.

I  want to say that. it is okay to fuck up. We all do it, you just have to learn from your mistakes and try again. It might take you longer to get to the place you want to be, you friends may even be ahead of you, but that is okay. You are doing this for yourself, and no one else.  Do it at your own pace, and just keep going, you will get exactly where you are meant to be, even if like myself it takes an extra year. You have got this.

I started my first day of summer with a good eleven and a half hours sleep, it was perfect not having to wake up for an alarm. I am quite optimistic about this Summer. The Summer before university. So far I have a gig planned, a cinema screening of a friend's film, a party to go to, pride, holiday to Spain and my best friend from Manchester is visiting so no doubt we will be up to many adventures. Those are the set in stone plans, no doubt there will be many more spontaneous plans on the cards. I also plan on writing a book, or begin to, this Summer. I am continuing a piece I did for my English Coursework, it is historic fiction, I will do a post on it with more detail another time!

Expect more summer posts. for example, I am shopping for holiday clothes this week so I may do a little holiday haul for you!

Summer Begins

Wednesday 21 June 2017

Christmas holidays

I finished Sixth Form for the Christmas holiday yesterday, it was also my media deadline,which I met thankfully. A term has gone, a tough hardworking term and I am thankful it has come to a close. I'm becoming close to the end of A2, a couple months time I'll be sitting my final exams and then University. What an adventure this build up is, I am ready to pack my things and say goodbye to this city, but a few more months I need to survive.
Last night, I went to my best friend's gig. I had not seen him in a while so it was amazing to watch him play, even if his set was cut short. It was fun, and even though I was a little out of place I am glad I went. I cannot wait for his next gig in January.
I am glad to be off for two weeks, I need to recharge after working my ass off all term, so Christmas holidays should be eventful. I have Leeds to look forward to as well. The best part of being off for two weeks is that I can finally bury my head in books again, as well as see all my favourite people more! Plus I will be writing more, much better content hopefully.
I hope you all have an amazing Christmas holiday, if you do not celebrate then I hope you enjoy the time off at least!

Christmas holidays

Friday 16 December 2016

College

Can I go in today?
Oh look at free
LOL only been in an hour today
Let's just nap the teacher won't notice
Everyone else hasn't done it either
Go on I dare you, let's get drunk
Everyone here is either drunk or high?

College

Friday 21 October 2016

End of the week

End of the week
Now it is time to relax
Don't be so naive

Of course you have work to do
Fortunately you want to pass

The sooner the work is done
Hopefully you will be able to relax
Everyone is in the same boat

Weekends are for time off  though
Even if you take an hour off or two
Enjoy your weekend just don't forget
Keep on top of your workload

End of the week

Friday 16 September 2016

Workload

I started back at sixth form last Thursday, this is my final year before University,if I get in that is. This year my work load has widened greatly, all my courses have coursework now, whereas only two did last year, plus I am redoing coursework from last year too so things are going to be heavy and stressful. I'm spending most of my time staring at a screen, I am thankful though that the majority of the coursework for all my subjects involve creative writing. I'm writing scripts, opening chapters to novels, essays and it's brilliant. Even though it's stressful writing different texts and not focuses on one writing project at a time like I usually do its definitely interesting. It's certainly sparking ideas, I'm finding inspiration from the most curious of things. I wish I could show you guys what I'm working with, but due to regulations and what not I cannot, so maybe next Summer when my exams are over I will be able to share these projects with you. I am having fun with it, pressured fun definitely but it's important I learn to write on demand especially if I'm wanting to pursue a writing career. So if I'm blog updates are a little late, all of the above is why. I have not forgotten about this place, my little haven for everything.

Workload

Wednesday 14 September 2016

Pre-results Nerves

18th August, three days away. The day I get my AS results back, for the second and final time round. No more chances, after Thursday I move onto A2 and fate is set. I've either got the right results for Brighton or I don't. It saddens me that there is a very high chance I won't get the grades, it makes me nervous. At least last year I knew I'd have another chance. I keep thinking about my exams, and my answers, or what I remember of them. I can't help but thinking I messed up, messed up big time. I understand there are other Universities, and things that can help me but I have my heart set on Brighton. It's everything I could ever want, and well I guess I have to come to terms that maybe it's just a little too out of my reach. I know these are pre-results jitters, and whatever is printed in the envelope I will take in my stride and work hard to get the grades I need. Whatever the outcome I need to create a plan of action, figure things out, I know I will probably be fine but I just need a little venting, and as always this is my place of comfort. I wish everyone and myself the best of luck for results, whatever the outcome we will get where we want to be even if it takes longer than those around us.

Pre-results Nerves

Monday 15 August 2016

College

Can you make it?
Onto the next year you go
Life doesn't get easier as move on
Learning is important  we both know that
Even if you want to give up and be done with it all
Go on give up if you think it's too hard, fold and do nothing
Eventually you will regret it, you need to hold on because it is worth it.

College

Friday 17 June 2016

1 TO GO

Today I had my first English exam (I have two) today was the language exam. It was an alright paper, I enjoyed the creative writing aspect. Before the exam started I had a hunch that the text transformation would be a speech and I was so right! It was a relief really, I feel as though that section of the exam is definitely my strongest part. The second section was a little bizarre, it wasn't easy but it wasn't drainingly hard, I did my best all the same. My last exam, the English Literature isn't until the 8th June. That gives me a little break, and just not make me stress. I napped when I got home today, it was more than needed. I am happy that most of my exams are done with, English is my better subject so I generally feel more confident with this than my other subjects!

1 TO GO

Monday 23 May 2016

One Down

First exam down, only three more to go!

One Down

Tuesday 17 May 2016

Revision Website

Hey guys, so most exams begin this week for A Level as well as GCSE. It's stressful I know this and you know. Sometimes when I'm tired of highlighting pages and creating endless mindmaps I just need something fresh to look,  a new approach. I like to use the internet and be on my laptop a lot, so at the beginning of the year I found a little website that I wish I told you guys about sooner.

Getrevising.co.uk

This little gem of a website allows you to search for your subjects, your exam board and specific aspects to the course, and that isn't even the best part. You can see mindmaps, revision cards, powerpoints and my favourite Crosswords! It makes revision a little less tedious, plus you can create your own resources so that is always a bonus! It has endless amounts of subjects, plus most of the content is from fellow students who have previously done the subject who are currently. This isn't a sponsered post or anything, I am just trying to help out fellow students. Good luck with your exams!!

Revision Website

Monday 16 May 2016

Holland Part II (2014)

Amsterdam (7th Oct.) We were very tourist like this day, we visited different places and it was pretty fun. The first place we visited was a science museum 'Nenno; Science Museum. It was frickin' insane, the peep show was hilarious' yes we saw a peep show in the museum. Me and my friend Shannon clearly found it hilarious, the place was huge and it was general all round blast. Later we then visited an art museum, which all honestly I kind of found a little boring, we were walking around a lot, but I did enjoy the colossal pirate shit and of course the huge historic library, which with all honesty gave me chills. That day I spent more time with Dutch people, who I swear are all naturally lovely. I was kind of a bad mood for a little while, mainly because I was hungry (who can blame a girl?) so when we were allowed off the reigns (as such) we ventured to McDonalds and well problem was averted. The spent a lot of my time at Holland with Shannon, and there is two songs we listened to most of the time which now I always think back to Holland 1) The 1975 - Chocolate 2) The Cab - Angel with a shotgun. I bought some souveniers; a little pair of blue clogs and a 'I <3 Amsterdam' t-shirt which funnily enough I am currently wearing. It was such a good day.
The fourth day in Holland (8th Oct.) this day was the day I remember the most. 'First time on a boat, it was amazing. So magical, sailing the water, ships like the ones pirates use, it was amazing. I felt alive as I watched the captivating sites.' Admittedly what I didn't write in my diary is how lonely I felt, sitting staring out of a window whilst most people were gathered around a man playing guitar whilst students from my college performed, it was a friendly atmosphere it was enjoyable to listen to. I kind of have a habit of sitting myself out of things, I don't know why. Anyways, the boat took us to a little island thing, where I ended up buy 16 euros worth of godly chocolate. I went on my first steam where we were served cute little crepes, more conversation flowed and it was a lot of fun. We later got free time, where I ended up buying my next diary, it is beautiful and I still have it. It is full but I kept it. I also bought some gifts for the family, I hate being selfish. I ranted in my diary I won't say what because it's rude and mean, even though I am laughing at it a lot now.
The last day (9th Oct.)  it was a weird day for me. My emotions were all over the place. I missed my best friend, I wanted to be alone, I don't know what was wrong with me. Something did make me smile though 'Some random girl just came up to me show me her phone and asked if it were my Instagram on her screen and she told me she was stalking me' it was funny, and we still follow each other and stuff to this day. We did a whole ceremony thing and it was lovely, and kind of weird saying goodbye.
Home (10th Oct.) We woke up early, before heading to the airport we had breakfast which was cake or very like cake. It was lovely all the same.  We wandered around the airport once checking in, had another McDonalds (cheeky) and then it was the plane ride. I was ready to go home to be honest, it felt like an overwhelming week. Once we landed we were allowed to leave, my mother came to meet me and surprised me with my sister and niece, I cried there and then. My niece was so excited to see me. It was just really nice after a week of being away. We had a Starbucks before leaving, and I managed to whole week up until this point without any embarrassing moments, until one of the teacher's Flynn was walking by and said farewells etc. and my sister shouted 'Bye sexy' after him I was super embarrassed, to this day I pray he didn't hear it.

Holland Part II (2014)

Sunday 15 May 2016

Holland (2014)

Let me take you guys back to the beginning of October 2014, I went to Holland with my old college on a Comenius for five days. I want to tell you guys about one day in particular, I did keep a diary at the time and I wanted to share those diary entries with you but, let's just say I was a bit of an asshole and yeah I can't show them. But I can sum up some of the days I perhaps stick a very quotations in from my diary. I will do this in two parts, I'll do the first three days and then tomorrow (Sunday) I will post the rest since I am not doing Weekly Favourites this week!

First of all, the day before going to Holland (4th October 2014) I had a little bike accident, I hadn't ridden a bike in years so I went out in the woods on the bike with my dad and well I ended up crashing into a huge metal gate, which affected my entire week, because I was injured. They weren't bad injuries or anything nothing was broken, but my stomach and like private area were badly swollen and bruised like I wasn't aware down there could even go purple nevermind ache as much as it did - wearing tight jeans was a no go!

So the day came (5th Oct.) and it was a day of firsts for me, it was my first time abroad, like leaving the UK and my first time on a plane, it wasn't my first time away from my parents as I went to Wales (disaster!) but this was probably the furthest. 'The first ever plane ride, it was fascinating. Staring out the window seeing the earth move beneath us' so yeah that happened but what I didn't mention was the popping of ears, like damn even though I was warned about it I was not ready! Also the flight we were on we got these cute little snacks, like a tiny pack of plain Doritos like crisp and the tiniest can of lemonade ever, it was adorable. I tried reading Bridget but I was way too excited! We landed in Amsterdam which actually the airport is pretty big and impressive! Everyone seemed loved and then we got the coach to the hotel which was called de halve maan hotel bovenkarspel  I think, it was small and lovely but it wasn't near Amsterdam.  So we got to the hotel, where we sorted our stuff and then they sprung this thing on us where we had to ride to this restaurant, bare in mind my injury and Dutch bikes are completely different to English bikes, it's like a whole other contraption, after and hour of trying my best and being in pain and falling into rose bushes I ended up being driven to the place with another girl. Of course, I felt crap and that I felt I let everyone down. We got the Italian restaurant which was lovely, and we got to meet the Swedish people who also ventured to Holland.  We were out pretty late, and I think that night a guy had an accident on the road on the bike or something. My first night was terrible I have to admit and here is the last thing I wrote in my diary that night 'I loved the idea of Holland, but I am in a whole new country and I want to go home! It's impossible :( help me, I am falling apart!' -  I do speak to my diary as if it's a person.

Improvement! (6th Oct.) I woke up feeling motivated and one of the staff members that came with us Flynn, he helped me try and improve the whole bike situation, as I didn't want to give up and feel like I am getting special treatment, admittedly I also didn't want to seem weak. Being the nice supportive teacher he is, he did the 'believe in yourself' thing which admittedly he isn't the first teacher to give me that talk, my history teacher was constantly telling me in high school, and I've recently had it too. I am working on it but yeah back to Holland. Even though I was making small improvements I wasn't ready and ended up getting driven to our next place. Which was the Dutch high school where I swear to god is the best high school, it was so vibrant it didn't feel real. It was colourful, and kind of something you would see those teenage American movies but like so much better. It was amazing, we got a tour of the school and then we actually went around the city with a team. Where we had to go places and learn things, it was very touristy but in the best way. I met some lovely people, this one guy actually helped me a lot since obviously I couldn't ride he walked me to the museum and it was so lovely because he didn't have to, and he was just so lovely, everyone was so lovely. I also bonded with people from my own college, like people I hadn't ever communicated with until then. A girl, we worked on the bike thing more which was really kind of her. We then had a Chinese buffet, which was so beautiful like the place itself. There were cute dangling lights, amazing artwork on the walls, we got to be with good company and it was delightful. We got to see some beautiful Holland sites, the second day was definitely better as you can see from this extract 'Holland is beautiful, so many sites, pictures, selfies and people. Everything is stunning, I love it. Everything and every place feels like a movie. I am in love with Holland!'

Tune back in tomorrow probably about 7PM for more of my Holland adventures like Amsterdam, drama and another first!

Holland (2014)

Last day of AS

Please ignore me in this, I look terrible - not my finest hour.

Today was the last of AS, and well I wasn't ready. This year has flown by, and what makes me sad the most is that I have met so many amazing people, and some of them will not be carrying on this journey into the next year. My favourite class of all (film obviously) is practically disbanding, we aren't even getting the same teacher anymore, it makes me sad because like even though we are 20 odd people who just happened to pick a lesson at the start of the year we got pretty close, and these guys are like a second family. Even though some are leaving, I am still happy to hopefully finish the next year with the amazing people that are left.

My exams begin next week and I have never been more afraid. There is no repeat year to depend on, instead my whole Uni thing depends on if I can get the grades I need. I feel confident for English and Film, but Media. Media I am worried about, I will try my best and give it my all, but I cannot help but feel like it won't be good enough. I know my attitude needs to change, I have until Thursday and I am working on it, revising as well as trying to stay positive.

Today was a good last day, filled with enthusiasm and moments. I am getting emotional now, I'll probably be a mess by the end of next year. I am going to have an early night, wake up early tomorrow and let he hardcore media revision begin!

Last day of AS

Friday 13 May 2016

Numb

-Inspired by a poem I read a couple of year back, I forgot the author but the words always stuck with me-

Whenever any problem occurs  she would retreat to the bathroom, this time ahe washed in her thoughts. As she waited for her hair mask she sat with the razor as if it was a long lost friend, she watched its shadow cast over where they used to play, She was so tempted, and it sounds stupid it does. She's  second best in everything that she did, everything and it fucking sucks. She feels numb, and it's stupid because she shouldn't feel like this. She didn't cut, but she wanted to. She knows not to cut, ahe already feels numb the same way she would if she had cut. She's  tired of being second best, with relationships,  in work and just everything. At least to the razor it was always her skin that came first, the pain second and then the blood first. Numb, she feels numb. Constantly, sometimes it's prominent other time it hides in between her laugh. Numbness.

Numb

Wednesday 9 March 2016

Tuesday - Sim Addiction

Admittedly I spent most of Tuesday playing Sims, before my lessons and even after. I spent a whole two hour free drinking tea and playing Sims with a friend, I created her and her boyfriend and we started building a house, we are continuing next week.  I do enjoy The Sims, I play Sims 3. In the future I want to a Sims gaming videos, it will be fun, I may even do a whole post about Sims later. So I only had Media on Tuesday so I played Sims a lot, and then decidied one of my case studies will be on the Sims. Later Tuesday I introduced my niece to the Sims. She created the funniest Sim ever she named him 'boy' he wears an orange funky 80's shirt and a beach shorts for a casual day, gosh I do love her creativity!
This week has been my Sim week, I've been stressing and busy for weeks with coursework and things and this week of being chilled has been needed.

Tuesday - Sim Addiction

Monday - Shawshank Redemption

-Catching up on the missed days-

So Monday, I decided on a lie in. I had no work to do so it was nice to wake up an hour later than usual. I went into Film Studies where we watched Shawshank Redemption, which I will do a review of soon. However, I did sob my heart out, it is a lovely film. Monday went quickly but I got everything I needed done and later stayed over at my sister's and spent time with my niece. So for once I actually had a decent Monday.

Monday - Shawshank Redemption

Hello March!

Well hello there, it feels like a long time eh March?
My favourite month of course, slightly biased due to it being my birth month! This month I will be 18. Justin's birthday is today and my high school English teachers. My Nanna's birthday is on the 5th, Mother's day on the 6th. Danny's and my gay's is on the 10th, and mine the 23rd, as well whose every it is on Facebook when I'm reminded.  Eventful month indeed. I aim for March to spend more time revising as well as writing at least one poem per day. I have channeling my inner poem quite a lot lately, last week especially.
I feel as though March is the month I need to get my shit together, I need to start being serious and just getting myself working properly.
I didn't do a Goodbye February due to the fantastic Leap Year. So well last month was a mess, like an actual emotional mess. Every seemed to go wrong for me, so this month is definitely in need of getting my act together.
March we are in this together, three months into the year and it's about time we come together and got ourselves sorted. So together we will stand and conquer.
March please be on my side.

Hello March!

Tuesday 1 March 2016

Forgotten Friday

Yesterday was deadline day for Film, so all week I have been working my ass off for it. And yesterday I spent extra hours in college, I finished at half three and didn't leave the building until quarter to six!  I didn't get to home till nearly eight. And when I got home I literally had food and went straight to sleep, I was exhausted. So I do apologise for forgetting to update yesterday, so this is for yesterday, just to let you guys know. I didn't get round to reading a book this week due to what I just told you, so the book review will be next week! However, my media deadline is next Friday so we will see. I am working my ass off on my Media so I should find time to read. Thank you and sorry if you were expecting a review last night!

I will post today's blog post later! 

Forgotten Friday

Saturday 27 February 2016

Heartache?

(I was told and encouraged about a writing Competition in college, and I have been asked by several members of staff who know me in the college (Angela, Carolyn and Mirian) to enter something.  In fact several pieces. And well this is one of my enteries!)

Heartache?

Why is it called heartache?
When the pain is in your stomach.
Sitting on your windpipe
Making each breathe wince.

Your heart is fine
It's the rest of you that isn't.
Small daggers constantly reminding you
Just in case you forget.

Between thoughts and your surrounding
It swings from vein to vein.
Slowly numbing you
With shards of ice.

Heartache you say?
No the heart is fine.
It's your feelings that take the damage
Shattering your confidence.
Making you even more broken...

Heartache?

Monday 22 February 2016

Half term

This week has been pretty amazing for the last week, jammed pack with work but I enjoyed it. I've always enjoyed the week before being off, it's like finalising things, meeting deadlines and throwing out the rubbish bits of the term. It is only half term but it's been a short but pleasant one.  Things couldn't be better for me right now (Unless I was to publish a book or meet Danny Jones, but that's unlikely.).  Lately, I have been finding so many inspirations around me, like I have taken my city from granted; and how I love travelling on buses and watching surroundings change.
Also, I have something quite exciting to share, I have a new idea for a story, I am really passionate about this idea. In English we are studying Charles' Dickens Great Expectations, (spoiler if you haven't read the novel) there are convicts in the novel who play a very important role. With obviously studying the text we have to study the society at the time the novel is set and written. We looked more into convicts and how they were shipped off to Australia and weren't allowed to return, well this sparked my inspiration. I want to work on a convict novel, set in the times of shipping prisoners off, maybe even have an old school pirate kind of thing going on. I am playing around with titles and so far maybe calling it 'Captured'. This will obviously take time, I have to carry out research and not dive in this with eyes closed! Since this is my blog and my favourite place to write I want to make it exclusive here. So after I've written a chapter (and edited it) I want to post it here or at least post it somewhere else and link it here. Due to the nature of how long chapters take and what not, I am hoping maybe posting once a month. I think it's a good idea, again this is inspired by Dickens. He used to release his stories in parts in newspapers and people would have to wait for the next part, I find this quite lovely.
As you may have noticed I have been doing quote of the week, which is pulled from my weekly planner. I wrote those quotes in my weekly planner for each week and well I want to share the motivational positivity.
I am having nine days off, admittedly I have to spend some time work to do but I will definitely be writing more and reading more! I aim to check off at least one of my books from my reading wishlist as well as update at least one of my stories on Wattpad!
P.S Hello to new readers who may recently found my blog; it's really appreciated!

Half term

Friday 12 February 2016