Am I wrong to look beyond the edges I am Given? To ignore what I'm being taught, looking beyond the box I've been placed in. Scribbling outside of the lines of the society I've been born into. I have this thirst, this desire for something more than what I can see. I refuse to be restrained between the lines, not when I can jump the page and take hold of my pen. Design my own road and take lead. Am I wrong for trying to reach these things?
Showing posts with label Media. Show all posts
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| Please ignore me in this, I look terrible - not my finest hour. |
My exams begin next week and I have never been more afraid. There is no repeat year to depend on, instead my whole Uni thing depends on if I can get the grades I need. I feel confident for English and Film, but Media. Media I am worried about, I will try my best and give it my all, but I cannot help but feel like it won't be good enough. I know my attitude needs to change, I have until Thursday and I am working on it, revising as well as trying to stay positive.
Today was a good last day, filled with enthusiasm and moments. I am getting emotional now, I'll probably be a mess by the end of next year. I am going to have an early night, wake up early tomorrow and let he hardcore media revision begin!
Last day of AS
Friday 13 May 2016
I have never felt more of a student as I do now, fighting sleep and typing away as fast as I can on an essay I probably should have done yesterday that is due first thing tomorrow morning. I have finished (ish) so I am just rounding up my thoughts and then disappear into a sleep. Today has been a good for me, I socialised a lot and actually enjoyed it (this is new to me I usually hate people) I went to Bubble Cha with the girls, I laughed throughout my media lesson, I gossiped through my lunch, and had fun in my second half media, which I may have been overly enthusiastic about, game of thrones and rugby were involved need I say more? I finished early and did a bit of shopping (again unusually pleasant) with my lovely film friend. I babysat, and what not and here I am. It's been a productive day. I think today has been the best day I have had in a long time, seriously I laughed so much, I felt cute and not self-conscious and I finally got rid of a situation that has been lingering in my head. I am happy, I am aware a curveball will be heading my way soon but at least I am having a blast. Today I laughed so wholeheartedly, like I was living in the moment not worrying about my future or love interests or my family just laughing with friends, it couldn't have gotten any better, I mean unless something McFly happened then life would be complete. I lived a little today, also I bought new jeans which I am excited to wear because new clothes are good and I hope they make my ass look better and my fabulous thighs of course. I bid you good night or good morning or good afternoon wherever you're located, but until tomorrow goodbye and stuff.
A laughing kind of day
Wednesday 20 April 2016
I saw this image floating about the internet and it got me thinking.
Growing up I have always been a bigger girl, I was never the really thin girl. I've always had cellulite and curves for as long as I can remember. I have never looked like 'other' girls, all my friends have always been much thinner than I am. I feel from a young age I (like many others) have been conditioned to not love myself unless I was skinny or looked like everyone else. In the heat of the moment, or even out of sheer meanness people always kind of took the low blow and mention my weight (this won't be about bullying but I'll cover that in a future blog post) and so it has always been an insecurity of mine. My weight has always been a concern of mine, and I remember being maybe 10 years old and coming home crying about my weight, people making fun and just commenting. On top of this I was seeing gorgeous thin women in the media everywhere (and it is the same still) and for years my weight has been my biggest insecurity, it is to this day but I'm on a journey of self-love. I remember hanging out with my friends in year six and we were going over to one of the girls' house and they were playing on the scales, which naturally I wasn't keen on doing but with persuasion I did. They laughed, of course I was much bigger than they were, and it hurt of course it had. Since then I've had adults mention my weight, guys, girls, people who I thought were my friends and even complete strangers (I'll mention the full story in a future post) so my confidence has never been the strongest. I used to think I was fat, but I look back at myself in pictures and it makes me cry. I wasn't fat, I looked healthy and even adorable. Pictures from five years ago, I was self-conscious and I hated how I looked. God, I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that she is fine, and she should just concentrate on being happy because that is all that matters. But no now I see from there I self-destructed, food has always been the answer to most things for me. I got bigger and torn myself apart. I got unhappier with myself and my appearance, I even turned to dieting pills and they didn't have the best effect on me. Don't get me wrong I have tried dieting and going to gym regularly and it was good for me, but with exams and life I just couldn't balance everything. I turn 18 in March and it has taken me years to realize this; I've always thought of myself as fat and I'm not the only one. It's sick how the media have conditioned young people to not love themselves and to aspire to be thinner and prettier. When really we should love ourselves and as long as you're healthy that's all that should matter! Being skinny doesn't mean you're healthy. And for a guy having bulks of muscles doesn't make you a man. I've realized there is nothing wrong with being a big girl, why should I be thinner to please others? As long as I'm healthy and not putting myself in danger then I'm okay to be how I am. I know I am not completely self-loving, but it a journey I am taking and I believe I am capable of loving myself and being the happiest I can be. Why should we have to be what the media tells and shows us? I believe as long as you're happy then that's all that matters. We can be who we want to be. Join me on the road of body positivity, next time you see your reflection give yourself a compliment, you are beautiful, we all are, male, female, big, small, tall, short, fat, thin - we are all beautiful!
Body Positivity
Sunday 31 January 2016
Today for Media I had to take out the camera, but had to get batteries first. So through town I went not really paying much attention, I knew were I was going so it was simply A to B. Once I obtained (the pokemon...) the batteries I slowly made my way back to college, but on the way I noticed something. I noticed how beautiful my home city really is. In the blur of life and being used to something you forget to see it's beauty, you take it for granted without a second thought. So my walk gradually got slower and my eyes wider. My city is pretty stunning! It inspired me, very much! For the next week so I'm going to explore my city, I'm going to photograph all the little moments and all the pretty places. I haven't done proper photography in a long time and well it's well overdue. I have the camera, and I'm inspired and that's all I really need! For the next week beginning tomorrow every blog post will have a photograph with it, one taking mine by me. As I explore my beautiful city, you can to.
Inspired
Tuesday 12 January 2016
I'm a little late with this, I shall post the hello December tomorrow!
My last day of November was amazing, I'm not going to lie it was the best day I've had in a long time! Mondays are naturally my favourite day, so I started my Monday off with making cute Christmas edits and eating a hella lot of Pineapple, which always makes me happy. I then had Film Studies, I'm always enthusiastic with Film. I got put into a group and together we have to make a trailer, and I am so excited. My group is good, we all get on and the ideas we all came up with together makes me feel hopeful for our production.
Even an hour long tutorial session was good, we talked about aids and well I definitely felt more educated afterwards. Lunch is where my luck picked up (literally) so I brought packed lunch and I went with my friend to get her lunch from the Deli. On the way back up to college I literally found a tenner on the road, it was soaked but still lucky. Naturally I look around which no one was around so I couldn't even ask if it belonged to someone, I did however half it with my friend because that's the rule, you have your findings with the person you're with. Lunch was good, I had my favourite sandwiches' and what not.
Media came along after lunch, it was a good lesson. I socialized and we were introduced to the coursework which I can't help but feel excited about. I was going to do film production for it but I decided that since I will be filming for my film coursework it is best to not over do it. I'm going to do a magazine, I'm pretty good with Photoshop plus I possibly want to go into magazine journalism so how could I not jump at this opportunity?
English came along, it was a feedback lesson where we got our initial assessments back. Naturally I was feeling nervous, especially since my recent talk with my tutor about improving my grades. I was shocked when I saw the grade on the front 'B+' I was over the moon, I mean on my last one I got a 'C' which I am proud of but this time I was pretty close to an A. I think it's generally because I'm stronger with creative writing and comparison than anything else. So getting feedback was good, and my teacher enjoyed what I had written. I was having doubts about my capabilities recently in English, but what I've learned is that I just need a little confidence, put the work in and things can only get better. After the lesson I was held back, which made me feel bad I was scared in case she was going to tell me she accidently graded me wrong. I was wrong, she wanted to tell me well done and that out of all the classes she teaches this subject to I got the highest out of all. I'm not boasting, really I was shocked. It felt good to just be doing better than I was, I'm improving and I have hope for this year. However, I am afraid I fall behind or I do crap in the next assessment. I need to maintain this level of work, and in order to do that I need to revise as much. My mocks are in January so I'm going to revise for them.
When I got home my parents were happy to hear my news, they even ordered take out (winning) of course my favourite Kebab Pizza but they even ordered with stuffed crust. I watched some movies and had a chilled night. For the last day of November I did pretty alright, also it was DOUGIE POYNTER'S BIRTHDAY!!
November was quite rocky overall, like a rollercoaster but it's an adventure. December? BRING IT ON!
My last day of November was amazing, I'm not going to lie it was the best day I've had in a long time! Mondays are naturally my favourite day, so I started my Monday off with making cute Christmas edits and eating a hella lot of Pineapple, which always makes me happy. I then had Film Studies, I'm always enthusiastic with Film. I got put into a group and together we have to make a trailer, and I am so excited. My group is good, we all get on and the ideas we all came up with together makes me feel hopeful for our production.
Even an hour long tutorial session was good, we talked about aids and well I definitely felt more educated afterwards. Lunch is where my luck picked up (literally) so I brought packed lunch and I went with my friend to get her lunch from the Deli. On the way back up to college I literally found a tenner on the road, it was soaked but still lucky. Naturally I look around which no one was around so I couldn't even ask if it belonged to someone, I did however half it with my friend because that's the rule, you have your findings with the person you're with. Lunch was good, I had my favourite sandwiches' and what not.
Media came along after lunch, it was a good lesson. I socialized and we were introduced to the coursework which I can't help but feel excited about. I was going to do film production for it but I decided that since I will be filming for my film coursework it is best to not over do it. I'm going to do a magazine, I'm pretty good with Photoshop plus I possibly want to go into magazine journalism so how could I not jump at this opportunity?
English came along, it was a feedback lesson where we got our initial assessments back. Naturally I was feeling nervous, especially since my recent talk with my tutor about improving my grades. I was shocked when I saw the grade on the front 'B+' I was over the moon, I mean on my last one I got a 'C' which I am proud of but this time I was pretty close to an A. I think it's generally because I'm stronger with creative writing and comparison than anything else. So getting feedback was good, and my teacher enjoyed what I had written. I was having doubts about my capabilities recently in English, but what I've learned is that I just need a little confidence, put the work in and things can only get better. After the lesson I was held back, which made me feel bad I was scared in case she was going to tell me she accidently graded me wrong. I was wrong, she wanted to tell me well done and that out of all the classes she teaches this subject to I got the highest out of all. I'm not boasting, really I was shocked. It felt good to just be doing better than I was, I'm improving and I have hope for this year. However, I am afraid I fall behind or I do crap in the next assessment. I need to maintain this level of work, and in order to do that I need to revise as much. My mocks are in January so I'm going to revise for them.
When I got home my parents were happy to hear my news, they even ordered take out (winning) of course my favourite Kebab Pizza but they even ordered with stuffed crust. I watched some movies and had a chilled night. For the last day of November I did pretty alright, also it was DOUGIE POYNTER'S BIRTHDAY!!
November was quite rocky overall, like a rollercoaster but it's an adventure. December? BRING IT ON!
Goodbye Novemeber
Tuesday 1 December 2015
I returned to sixth form today, it turns out yesterday was staff training and there were no lessons, only I didn't know this until I got to sixth form. After a wasted three hours of travelling I returned home and decided to play sims. Last night I checked how many hours I've spent playing the game since I installed it (which was Saturday) and so far a good twenty hours. Kind of obsessive but I loved every minute of it.
I am spending the next two hours reading PowerPoint's and revising, it seems I could possibly have a mock exam today for Media Studies, so I am using the free time I have wisely. I just finished a cappuccino and truth be told I feel a little light headed, and perhaps staring at a computer screen (like I have done for the past three days) isn't the best idea, but low and behold I am going to continue to do so anyway.
Today will consume of Revising, Exam, Chinese and later spending time with my niece. That is what I like to call a well rounded productive day!
I am spending the next two hours reading PowerPoint's and revising, it seems I could possibly have a mock exam today for Media Studies, so I am using the free time I have wisely. I just finished a cappuccino and truth be told I feel a little light headed, and perhaps staring at a computer screen (like I have done for the past three days) isn't the best idea, but low and behold I am going to continue to do so anyway.
Today will consume of Revising, Exam, Chinese and later spending time with my niece. That is what I like to call a well rounded productive day!
Mock Exam
Tuesday 3 November 2015
Tuesday the 30th of June - I went to Sunderland University for the day. It was a creative industry type of thing, it was mainly based around Media. And since I enjoy being creative and take Media Studies as one of my A Levels I thought it would be an excellent opportunity. I was right.
We had a splendid day, we got to work in a TV Studio, personally it was my favourite activity of the day. It isn't the first studio I have been in, I have been in the ITV Studio and Northumberland Studio. But this one was huge. The control room captured my attention immediately, and I insisted on working in there. I got to control the screen, and control what the viewers would be able to see. It was so much fun, I enjoyed it and I was even shown some effects which were pretty cool. I felt in place, like I belonged there. Needless to say I could honestly see myself doing that in the future.
On the rest of the day we got to see music studios, radio stations and they contributed to the idea that I'm strongly thinking about taking Media Studies (and creative writing) at University, as I really enjoy Media Studies, and it still gives me a chance to write. I think it would be a strategic career move.
Obviously I still want to be a writer, and publish books but in order to get there I guess I have to support myself, and at least this way I am enjoying myself whilst I do it!
Control Room
Saturday 4 July 2015
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Welcome to my bookish ramblings and creative writing.
