When did I

When did I become such a fragile human being? Sure I can be strong and positive and outgoing with other people and when I'm at college. But what about when I'm alone or at home? When did I become a nervous wreck, nervous about big things like the future; university and growing old. But what about the little things I spend so much time worrying and being afraid of? Like wondering if there's going to be another shatter, if I'm going to see fear struck in my siblings face again, or how loud sudden noises make me want to cry and hide. When did I become the person who thinks about everything, planned conversations in my head because I don't want to embarrass myself, paranoia whilst walking down the street wondering what disaster could come my way. When did I become everything I've tried so hard not to be? Emotionally messed up, ready for the next bad thing to present itself. Sure there are good times, and they're amazing and some days I feel good and not a wreck but the fear of something bad is always there. When did my optimism exchange itself for pessimism?