-CREATIVE GEORDIE PIECE-
Tie me to a post and block my ears, I meant it as a thingy, I wasn't being serious. But here I am stark naked, my hands and feet stuck to a lamp post, with a blind fold, which not only blocks my sight but my hearing too, this is great. Michelle will be pleased... note the sarcasm pet.
This is typical, unrealistic to heck but typical. You see those stay doos in those made up movies, where the men get bladdered and the groom always ends up naked tied to lamp post, yeah that's me. It is an awkward situation, in those movies you never really see what happens next, it usually skips the scene and takes it straight to the wedding with a relieved rough looking groom turning up to his wedding half cut.
But shamelessly to say that won't be me, all I know is that I am in town center somewhere. And that it's cold, freezing cold. I would shiver but the fact that I am in awkward position it would just force me into an ever worse awkward position. God knows where the lads are, I'm freezing my bollocks off here. I think I'm sobering up, god damn it I could do with necking some vodka then my senses will be frazzled to heck and I won't feel a frickin thing.
The lads wouldn't have just left me here on ,me bill though, they are all canny. They've probably went in search of a kebab shop, mmm man I could demolish a nice greasy kebab. I'm clamming! Where are they? I wasn't supposed to be out late, well not too late. The groom needs to get beauty sleep as well.
I even try to call for help, but no one. Not a single sound. They are nutters whey they are drunk like, but surely Carl my best mate and my best mate wouldn't leave me like this all night would he? It feels like hours I've been here, me chest is killing me.
What will Michell be doing, she's my lush bride to be. She is a stunning, I mean proper stunning, those massive huge eyes that match her bazonkas. I really love her I do, more than anything even more than a can of Carling! She's lush like. She's probably with the lasses, all having wine got there but Peter Andre on the go, it's her night out album. They will chatting and giggling, talking crap, you know what the local lasses are like, but they are mint. They are probably being all girlie, with that make up shit and pampa crap. although I can't really complain can I? They loook frickin completely gorgous.
It's getting bitter out here, I think it's getting way beyond a joke now. I better turn up tomorrow with a naught hang over and a nose like a tap, it's bad enough on a normally day never mind your wedding day like.
It's bull that I can't see or hear, I feel like a bairn. This wind is proper annoying, my arse is getting cold, I'm going to end uo getting frost bite or something.
"COME ON LADS, THIS IS TAKING THE PISS THIS IS NOW!" I yell, well I hoped I yell I felt a bit weak myself like.
I want to sleep, I am knackered. I could do with a nice cup of tea, some hob nobs and in my bed for the night. It sounds quite perfect if I do say so myself. God knows what will happen, I'm surpised the old pigs haven't been on to me. Getting is done for nudity and distruption, I like to be! Can you imagine though? Being banged up in a caged box for my wedding? Chelle will kill me, she will have he knickers in a twist, she might not even marry me.
Where are the lads, I refuse to stay here all night, this is shit...
